The Bachelorette S15 E7: Did I mention the bungee jumping was NAKED

So we’re finally in Latvia, but don’t hold your breath because there could be a recap hiding behind every cutaway.

Garrett gets the first one-on-one in Latvia! And they go bungee jumping – but it’s naked bungee jumping. Which is supposedly a Latvian tradition….sure producers, sure. It’s unclear what the actual body part logistics are because they do indeed jump out of a cable car naked. I just feel like that would hurt. One of the producers throws Hannah’s very sensible, white bra, from the cable car where they jumped into the pond below, it’s a nice dramatic touch.

During the dinner portion Garrett asks Hannah what is the big defining moment of her life and she just says it is living her life as herself. Which is nice, but where’s her one pivotal sob story moment? Not very fair when all the guys have to share theirs.

The group date is: Mike, Jed, Tyler, Dustin, Luke, Conner, and Dylan. Which gives Peter the pilot the one-on-one!

Back to Garrett, this one time he was going to do football but he didn’t like that #sportsball so instead he does the golf #sportsball. He gets that rose, touchdown! Hole in one!

The group date gets to explore a Latvian market with moonshine and pickles! So Hannah tells the guys about naked bungee jumping, and Luke isn’t very happy with the NAKED part. Because NAKED is not okay.

During the second part of the date Hannah has really nice moments with Tyler and Jed. And then there’s Luke…… he didn’t like that Hannah was naked bungee jumping but then he lets her know that they can work through anything in a super condescending and territorial way. GO AWAY LUKE. But good news, Tyler gets the group date rose.

Peter and Hannah get to go to a Latvian sauna for their one-on-one date. In a Pirts which is like a sauna. Keep trying tourism board of Latvia, keep trying. They make some potions and then make out in the sauna. Peter lets Hannah know that he “really likes her” which is a bit far away from “falling for you” or “falling in love,” but I’ll take it, I like him. Hannah just wants to make sure their relationship isn’t all physical. And Peter opens up and I learn that he knows Spanish which is another plus for him. He unsurprisingly gets the rose and some fireworks, literally.

Peter returns to the hotel and Jed decides to take this moment to go serenade Hannah in her hotel room. He also serenades her in her hotel room but Hannah is more interested in making out. Jed takes this moment to say he is falling in love with Hannah.

Back to the Luke drama, because we can’t escape. Garrett confronts Luke for talking about the naked bungee jumping with Hannah and we discuss staying in lanes again. I need Luke’s lane to go off the highway and into some random field so he gets lost and doesn’t come back. I sense a two-on-one in these dude’s futures if Luke lasts through this episode.

It’s almost time for the rose ceremony, but not quite, because Hannah comes over before it in normal clothes to talk to Luke. Hannah addresses the language Luke used when describing the naked incident- including “bone headed mistake.” This is just a continued exercise on how horrible Luke is. EYEROLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Luke feels like the train is finally on the tracks, Hannah disagrees, so he maybe thinks it is closer on the tracks. This train is horrible, let’s just all get off. Hannah wants to know why it is so hard, maybe because LUKE STINKS.

Luke goes back to talk to the guys about Hannah. And we have a conversation where “stay in your lane” is said about a million times and there is even a texting and driving analogy. Chris Harrison comes in to tell everyone there is no cocktail party, just a rose ceremony. Probably so Luke can’t ruin it.

We go straight to the ceremony and the roses go to:

Jed, Mike, Conner, anddd the last rose goes to Luke 😦 BOoooooooooo. So nose ring dude and other dude who have had no screen time go home, thank goodness Chris Harrison says their names are Dylan and Dustin.

We can only hope that Luke finally goes home next episode, but we’ll just have to wait and see.

The Bachelorette S15 E6: The one where nothing happens (do not watch this episode)

So last episode ended on a cliffhanger as Hannah told Luke that she couldn’t give him the rose. Luke is confused. Oh Luke. Hannah is very clear with him, she didn’t want to spend the date being frustrated with Luke and having to raise her voice to get him to open up. BOY BYEEE. Luke walks through the forest all sad and because he’s Luke HE COMES BACK. WHY. GO AWAY. Hannah is nice enough to talk to him and Luke attempts to confess his love and it’s awkward and bad. UGH.

Luke returns to the guys without a rose, but he doesn’t have to go home. He get to go to the rose ceremony. Boo. But now it’s time for this rose ceremony so maybe Luke will go home but maybe the producers will make her pick him so he can go on a 2-on-1 next week.

A dude grabs Hannah first, she says she’s excited to get to know him and literally have no idea what his name is. No idea at all. I do know that he just shot himself in the foot by talking about Luke. And he then decides to go tell the guys what Hannah told him. Which of course erupts in a fight. Hannah isn’t here for this and asks the guys to ask her all the questions right now, in front of her. But they don’t really do well and keep arguing. Hannah is a grown ass woman. THAT IS RIGHT. And she doesn’t want to deal with any of their stupidity so she walks away.

Rose time! Conner, Tyler, Dustin, Peter, Dylan, Garrett, and the last rose goes to Luke P because we all know there is a 2 on 1 happening next episode.

Time to jet off to the next destination….Latvia….! Hannah gets a sit down talk with Chris Harrison who just wants her to fall in love.

And now we cut to another talk with Chris and Hannah….and we get a recap?!? Of the season that isn’t half way done. WHAT IS THIS. How is there not enough of actual footage for this episode. I’m not going to recap this recap of a recap because we already lived all of this. We literally get a recap of what happened earlier this episode. And then the recap starts to be of happy moments. I do not understand. We get some bloopers. None of this makes sense. Do not watch this episode.

But don’t worry, supposedly there will be lots of drama coming up, here is just some of what I can glean:

• 2 on 1 with Garret and Luke P
• Garret goes naked bungee jumping
• Luke P brings up Jesus and sex
• Hannah cries
• some guy go gets a non Neil Lane sponsored ring

Well even if only one of those things happen that will be so much more than anything in this episode! So stay tuned!

The Bachelorette S15 E5: The Lukeness Monster

We ended last week on a Luke themed cliffhanger. In case you’ve forgotten-

Luke P- found Jesus in a shower, declared he was falling in love with Hannah after 2 seconds, likes to be aggressive in rugby

Luke S- has a tequila company that he’s never mentioned on camera, was once kneed by Luke P

My take- both Lukes should go home because Luke P is wayyy to intense and a little cray cray and Luke S is just boring.

Here is Hannah’s literal face while the Lukes talk to each other:

We finally get the rose ceremony but Luke S pulls Hannah aside before she can even start and he sends himself home.

The roses go to: Peter, Conner, Dylan, Dustin (WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?), Mike, Kevin, Devin, Grant, and the final rose goes to Luke P. So John Paul Jones and some other dude are going home. Hannah’s heart thinks Luke P should be here but her head says there are some giant red flags. Maybe her eyes should look at those red flags so she can throw Luke P out on his butt.

So the guys get to go from Rhode Island to Scotland! Mike gets the first one on one and his smile is so giant when he finds out. It’s adorbs. They walk through a book store together, go to a candy store, and then taste some whiskey. Hannah is very relaxed and cute when with Mike.

The group date is Devin, Tyler, Jed, Dylan, Grant, Conner, Dustin, Peter, Kevin, and Garrett. So Luke gets the other one on one. Boo.

Back to Mike being adorable, he gets the rose and I like them together but think Mike is feeling it more than Hannah at this point.

The group date involves reenacting some old Scottish traditions like throwing axes and running around with milk. They are having a great time, it’s almost like some dude named Luke isn’t there to bring the group down….oh wait.

Poor Mike has to spend his day alone with Luke- or the Lukeness Monster as the producers are definitely making everyone call him. It’s pretty catchy and pretty true.

So the Highlands game are in full effect- and include wrestling in kilts. I guess you don’t wear underwear with kilts…which is fine for tradition and all but maybe we could have given the guys some underwear so they weren’t naked wrestling around on the ground. Jed wins the competition and gets to be a Lord. And he also wins some kisses with Hannah. And so does Peter and Tyler. Hannah’s making out with all the guys, you go girl. Jed gets the rose, or should I say, Lord Jed.

Time for Luke P’s date. Let’s see how this goes. They walk through a field of flowers and Luke says some things about not going to quit and that he’s totally a really nice dude and everyone loves him. Literally, he says that everyone loves him. Oh Luke P, I can say for sure that isn’t true. Hannah asks for a minute and goes to talk to the producers, she asks if someone can clarify to Luke P what she means when she asks him “how do you feel?” Oh Hannah, I feel like it’s time for Luke P to go home. Hannah just wants to have a real conversation and know if Luke P likes macaroni cheese or spaghetti more. I bet his favorite is plain whole wheat pasta or something stupid like that. They have more conversations, Hannah just wants Luke P to be real.

Sometimes Hannah is in the front row of church on her knees and sometimes she is a “Devilish Bitch.” I don’t like Luke P at all but this is making me like Hannah more and more. Hannah wanted clarity on this date but isn’t getting it. Just like Luke isn’t getting the rose and we aren’t getting a rose ceremony at the end of this episode. Gotta love a to be continued episode!

The Bachelorette S15 E4: Sideline scuffle of Lukes

We’ve had enough of California and it’s time to head to……Rhode Island. Um, okay.

Jed gets the first one-on-one and it’s not even in Rhode Island, it’s in Boston! They walk around Boston and Hannah makes up facts, which I super appreciate. They go to the Cheers bar and none of the Bostonians care because they all just sit in the back talking the entire time. I like Jed, he’s cute.  They go to the #sportsball stadium for the Celtics. They play some #sportsball.

The group date is: Dylan, Mateo, John Paul Jones, Connor, Garrett, Dustin, Devin, Grant, Peter, Kevin, Mike, Luke S, and Luke P

Time for the second part of Jed’s date. He really loves music. He also loves love. And he knows that the show is a platform for his music. But he’s met Hannah and he really likes her. Nothing like getting ahead of the “right reasons” talk by just admitting you are kind of here for fame. Good move by Jed. He gets the rose!

The group date is playing rugby. I learn that rugby involves mouth guards and cleats and your leg might fall off. There’s a lot of running and tackling. Hannah doesn’t want anyone to get hurt, so of course a guy gets hurt. It’s his shoulder which obviously means you have to cut off his shirt…?

So Luke is an angry dude. And he’s tackling everyone. And he decides to knee Luke S in the face. Weirdly enough none of the cameras saw it. Luke P said it was self defense, I think it’s because they have the same name.

In the second part of the game Hannah grabs Luke P first. He thought that Luke S was totally going to hit him and had clenched fists. Luke S is about 5 pounds and Luke P is 200 pounds of crazy. Luke P thinks that Luke S talks about his liquor brand too much. I’m fine with that. We just established that Jed is here for his music career but Luke S can’t possibly have a tequila brand. The guys call out Luke P and he says it was just a “sideline scuffle.” LOL He didn’t remember all the details until the guys brought them up, it’s easy to forget the details of a sideline scuffle.

Garrett doesn’t want it to only be the Luke show, and he’s “crushing on” Hannah. Which is a more normal thing to say than professing his love for her 5 seconds into the show like some people named Luke. She then makes out with Peter the pilot but Garrett and his crushes get the rose.

Hannah wakes up to cry on the end of the dock in a puffy jacket. I relate to this so much. She isn’t too excited about this one-on-one date with Tyler C but she pulls through the crying so she can go get some lobster on a boat. Hannah is glad she went through the date even though she was unsure of Tyler. So Tyler’s “Pops” almost died but didn’t so they watched The Bachelorette together while he got better. Which is all very adorable, but I really thought he said ‘opossum.’ He didn’t and his dad is okay. Which is good. He also gets the rose and of course a private concert. I wish it was Jed singing with his guitar, but I’ll take this random dude instead.

Cocktail party time! Peter starts off by asking if Hannah would be his girlfriend which is adorable and I think it’s a first for this show. Mike tells Hannah he would like her to be one of his queens, the others include his grandma ❤ Awwww. But then Mike decides to confront Luke P. And Luke P says it is Luke S’s fault. Then he googles psychopath. Yuppp, Luke P has it all figured out.

Luke S wants Hannah to know that he is here for her. His parents were social workers so he must be a really great guy. Buuttttttttt Luke P said this one time that Luke S has a tequila brand so Hannah doesn’t know who to trust. So she talks to both of them alone and then it gets more confusing. They both suck in different ways.

Hannah pulls them both aside but we won’t know what she says until next week because it’s the first “To be Continued” of the season!!! Which Luke will reign supreme? Will they both go home? We’ll just have to see next time!