We’ve left the most romantic place everyone has never heard of to go to Buenos Aires! (Cue the Evita). (So Evita actually played, I’m so happy and so psychic)
Let’s recap with Chris Harrison! He needs to earn his paycheck somehow. Robby said he loved JoJo a little too soon, but whatevs.
There are 8 guys left, I had to count them while they walked down the street. Let’s try and name them!
Luke the veteran
James Taylor the adorbs singer
Chase the guy I don’t know anything about
Preemptive lover declarer Robby
Short Mad Alex
Jordan the not football players
Wells- the bad fireman
Anddddddddddddddddddddddd guy that looks like Jim from the office. That’s 8!
This week we have a group date, one-on-one, and ANOTHER two-on-one date.
Wells gets the one-on-one date and admits he hasn’t kissed JoJo…what the heck has he been doing? In a weird coincidence his date card says “Kiss me” in Spanish. Hmm. We get some really great awkward music for their date, which doesn’t consist of any kissing for the first half. The next part of their date is the Cirque du Soleil Fuerta Bruza show, first made reality tv show famous on America’s Next Top Model Cycle 8. They finally kiss while being drowned on the plastic sheet…yay. Wells tells JoJo his last relationship ended him in just being best friends, I can’t imagine how that happened seeing as he didn’t kiss JoJo for like ever.
Back to the guys to find that the group date is: Luke, Robby, Jordan, James, Alex
So the two-on-one goes to Chase and Derek. DUN DUN DUN. But literally because that’s not real drama because I know nothing about either of them so let’s add some DUN DUN DUNs for some added drama.
JoJo sends Wells home to live in the friend zone forever. Poor Wells, maybe if he did something besides suck at putting out fires on his first date this wouldn’t have happened.
Group date time! They wander around Buenos Aires and challenge some random men to some soccer. James Taylor doubts himself in the most adorable way ever and is so adorable.
Time for the second part of the date where James Taylor continues to adorably doubt himself when he shouldn’t. Luke spews some emotional ‘opening up’ bullshit to JoJo and they make out…a lot.
James Taylor remains a good guy and does stupid good guy things and decides to talk about the other guys in the house to JoJo. No! Don’t do it! #letstalkaboutJordan Jordan said he is Jordan Rodgers or whatever and he’s super cool and in magazines. So JoJo confronts Jordan about this mysterious poker game. He denies it, gasp, didn’t see that coming.
Jordan goes back to the group and we get some super fun awkward silence and Jordan confronts James on James’ confronting of Jojo about Jordan. Luke gets the rose. And by Luke I mean his mouth that made out with JoJo for like 10 hours.
Time for the two-on-one! Because we haven’t had enough awkward for one episode let alone season. And obviously it should be a tango lesson with three people. Fun times. Derek and Chase talk about how hot and sexy the tango is in monotone and somehow I don’t really believe them. Derek understand the game and tells JoJo he is falling for her. Chase does not and didn’t know that JoJo wanted more from him. And Chase gets the rose because JoJo I guess didn’t really like Derek anyway.
Derek gets the most kick ass exit ever as Don’t Cry for Me Argentina plays dramatically in the background. It’s fantastic and perfect. Poor Derek goes home.
So Luke and Chase have roses and there are three roses to give out to. That leaves Jordan, James, Short Mad Alex, and Robby.
Jordan swoops in first to say he can see them together for like ever. And ever. Short Mad Alex is feeling the pressure. He’s never been on a one-on-one date. Or gotten a group date rose, so now he’s pissy about it, just like a little boy that his stature resembles. Maybe he’ll throw a tantrum next.
Rose ceremony time!
Robby gets the first rose
Jordan gets the second (gasp…not)
And then JoJo decides to run away down the stairs. She doesn’t want to give the last rose out. And she gives it to Chris Harrison. She decides to give it to no one and sends both James and Alex home. NO WAIT. Chris Harrison comes back with two roses so now James and Alex get roses and no one goes home! Well no one besides Wells and crying for Argentina Derek.
We start talking about hometowns incessantly. People get intense. JoJo cries some more. Dramaaaaaa