The Bachelorette Recap S13 E8: Families and couches (and one floor)

Tonight, on this week’s episode of The Bachelorette……

It’s hometowns!

The first hometown is Eric and Baltimore. He’s never brought a girl home before, which would be a red flag, except that Eric said it’s because people get shot near him all the time. So valid excuse. They play basketball on Eric’s old court and meet Ralph…Eric’s A1…? Like the steak sauce? Whoever the heck Ralph is, he’s really nice and proud of Eric.

Eric’s family is really nice. The really remarkable thing is that they fit like 15 people on one couch.

 

The other thing they do is bring up Rachel being the first black Bachelorette. Eric’s Aunt Verna is pretty great. Eric is swaying me towards his side. His hometown went really well, he ends it by saying he is “really in love with this girl.” So almost saying Love but not quite. But don’t worry, because we all know there’s going to be some real drama coming up (*cough* Dean’s dad *cough* Bryan’s mom).

Up next is Miamiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Hometown of face-eating Bryan. Except I thought he was from South America? They start by playing dominoes with adorable old men. Then they get some arepas. Then Bryan has to prep Rachel for his family- meaning his mom.

Bryan’s mom is a little dubious of the process- seeing as it has been 7 weeks and all. Rachel just really wants to be liked. Bryan’s mom is a little intense and threatens to kill Rachel if Bryan isn’t happy. I don’t think this woman is joking. She also calls her son the love of her life. You know, her son, the person genetically related to her. Yupppp. But it’s okay, Bryan’s mom is a Rachel fan, because like in the end, aren’t we all hardcore Rachel fans?

Bryan knows how this show works and professes his love to Rachel. Rachel is obviously a fan of Bryan.

Time to get some cheese, and by cheese I mean Peter’s breathtaking smile in Wisconsin <3. Also it might be a sign- it was rainy and crappy in Miami and is sunny and beautiful in Wisconsin. Yupppp, it’s a sign. We’ll ignore the fact that Rachel ate arepas in Miami and had to eat pickles in Wisconsin.

Rachel first gets to meet Peter’s friends. They’re like nice, normal, Wisconsin people. They tell Peter to stop being ridiculous and commit already. Direct quote: “Don’t f*ck it up.”

Peter’s family has one intense couch. I’m pretty impressed. Rachel is more preoccupied with whether Peter is ready to propose after the cumulative 2 hours they’ve spent together this season. Rachel flat out asks Peter’s mom, she thinks Peter is ready for “commitment” which is not a proposal. Rachel is not here for a boyfriend. She is here for a husband. I’M HERE FOR THEM TO FIND LOVE TOGETHER FOREVER ALREADY.

Dean is up last in Aspen, CO. He hasn’t spoken to his father in 2 years. Nothing like The Bachelorette forcing interactions among families on national tv. First they go ATV riding so Dean can let Rachel know that if they need to literally ride away from this upcoming meeting that they can. Dean’s dad is Paramuru (Sp?) and his stepmom is Santartar (Sp?). Oh god.

Well everyone is on the floor. Which stops the nice couch streak we were on. Everyone then lays on the floor while Dean’s dad plays the gong. They get to eat some sprouted mung bean curry. I feel incredibly bad for Dean. Confronting your father on tv is never easy. I will say Rachel is incredibly understanding and probably the best person to ever bring home to your weird family.

One good thing is that Dean and Rachel’s relationship is stronger now. One bad thing is that definitely just screwed over my bracket.

Time to get back to business. Chris Harrison is here to help Rachel recap this episode so we know which men she’s going to choose. BUT I DON’T KNOW. I guess we’ll just have to wait 8 minutes to find out.

First rose goes to Bryan. Then Eric. THEN OMG OMG OMG Peter.

DEAN IS GOING HOME. I mean I knew it in my bracket but didn’t think it would happen after watching the episode wowwww.

I’m thinking she knew it wasn’t Dean in the end so she wanted to break his heart sooner rather than later. But dayummm. Poor Dean 😦

Next week:

FANTASY SUITEEEEEESSSS and Rachel’s family in Spain. Let’s do this!

The Bachelorette Recap S13 E8: Families and couches (and one floor)