The Bachelorette Episode 2: CHAD-PLOSION

We start off with a group date, I cannot name anyone on this group date except for: Daniel, Wells, Grant, and Luke. I  can only name Luke, Wells, and Grant because they shoved their names down our throats.

It’s a firefighting challenge! And guess what, Grant is a firefighter. He fights that fire for all firemen in the nation and wins, thank goodness, I would be kind of worried if he hadn’t. Other guys are super jealous.

In the meantime, Chad is really manly and annoyed at the non-manly other contestants that make up a song about JoJo. From what I can tell, the lyrics are “JoJo, JoJo, JoJo.”

We have Derek get the first one-on-one date. Who the heck is Derek? More people are jealous.

We get more Wells time. He is endearing as the firefighting challenge almost killed him. How come the Radio DJ isn’t really good at firefighting? I’m aghast!

Hurry, it’s time for everyone to “establish a connection” and “open up”

Kiss count: 1 for firefighter Grant, 1 for veteran Luke

Thank goodness for descriptions- Derek is a commercial banker and 29 years old and lives in Florida. So now I truly feel like I know him. They go on a choose your own adventure date and go to San Fran. And Derek gets added to the kissed list. Besides his ability to choose one of two options I still don’t know very much about him

Back to the house and we have the JoJo song continue. And I hate to agree with Chad who is obviously evil, I’m not a big fan of the song either. Evil Chad has his evil sidekick- Damn Daniel, so they’re ready to take over the world.

Quote of the day: “If you made a protein shake of all the dudes here, what kind of protein shake would that be.” #Idontgetit

Next date: Jordan, Christian, Nick, James, JT, Alex, and Chad- I have no idea if that is everyone or even their correct names. But boooo Chad boooo

Back to Derek, he is opening up. His last relationship was a huge failure and he is super excited to explain why. After a super boring explanation of how his old girlfriend cheated on him, Derek gets the Rose. Nice job #nondescriptDerek

OMG SPORTSSSSSSs ❤ ❤ #mansports #men

I reserve the right to not pay attention to anything sports related

Chad is such a #Chad on the date. #TypicalChad. JoJo likes how he isn’t pretending to get along with the other guys, totally appreciate his douche-baggery JoJo. They get ranked, and Chad gets to be #2, because being a douche-bag gets you really far in sports…oh wait, that’s right it does, I get it now.

James got first in the power ranking. I like him. He had a nice poem.

Let’s cut back to Chad. Chad thinks everyone else sucks. He is the best protein shake ever.  Gahhh, Chad gets a kiss too. Damnit. But it’s okay because James gets the rose. Thank goodness for badly written poems!

Chad pulls the ultimate Olivia and out maneuvers everyone by waiting on the stoop for JoJo. The bros do no like this. Bad Chad. Must all confront Chad at the same time. Chad Chad Chad Chad Chad. #etc

Rose ceremony time! Believe it or not, I can only really name one person…and that’s Chad. But to recap, James and Derek have roses, as well as that guy that got the one on the first date-Wells!

Alex- he’s short

Christian- Chad doesn’t know who he is, but he’s short, according to Chad

Robbie- idk who he is, and Chad has no comments for him

Luke- he’s the vet that almost won firefighting

Chase- …yup Idk

Jordan- his brother plays football

Grant- he fights fires for real

Ali- he’s ethnic and awkward and gets no screen time

Daniel- DAMN DANIEL he’s Canadian

James F- idk

Nick- he was on the sports date

Vinny- he’s a barber

Evan- he helps people keep it up

and last but not least…CHAD, hey drama has to happen #proteinshakes

Going home are: Bachelor super fan James- he probably saw that coming, hipster, and guy I don’t really remember

Next time!

It’s two episodes because ABC demands more of my attention. Chad is an ass (gasp). John Krasinski look alike Derek looks super like John Krasinski. Chad punches things: like doors, inflatable flamingos, and faces! Oh my!

 

 

The Bachelorette Episode 2: CHAD-PLOSION

The Bachelorette Premiere In 3 Sentences…and one gif

Want to catch up but not watch 2 hours of action packed, riveting, and heart wrenching tv? Well I got you covered.
The premiere of the Bachelorette, summarized in 3 sentences and one gif:

 

JoJo was second rate love for Ben and now is out to find her own “unicorn.” Too bad too many guys took that literally as there were: unicorn riding, kilt wearing, boxing, former sports playing, acapella serenading (and extreme lightweight) men (come on people, let’s learn how to hold your liquor). And of course Daniel…and SANTA!

 

elf will ferrell k buddy the elf faizon love

 

Coming up on this season:

Manly men fall in love and punch things to show that they really aren’t that sensitive.

The Bachelorette Premiere In 3 Sentences…and one gif