Bachelor in Paradise S4 E3 Part 1: Alex wants a rose, like any rose

This week on Bachelor in Paradise…!

So there were some couples before filming shut down. But then everyone went home and were not intoxicated 24/7 and trapped on an island and got some perspective. So the ladies are unhappy.

Dean and Kristina went on an off camera road trip but now its kind of wonky.

Adam shows up. He is the father of Adam Junior, aka AJ, aka the best creepiest mannequin ever to exist. The bros are like super chill and say like all the women are like super open except for Taylor and Derek. Adam comes in hot with lots of questions for the ladies. He wants to know Raven’s ultimate goal for this show—- isn’t it everyone’s? Free booze on an island with slightly above average attractive people?

It’s time for Adam to decide who he is taking on his date. He asks Raven. And she says yes. Kristina has to turn her attention back to Dean who is being flaky. She wakes him from a nap to discuss. Let sleeping Deans lie. Dean decides to go shower, this is going well.

This season really seems to be more like Bachelor in Bro-adise. Because there are a lot of bromances happening and not so many romances.

Raven and Adam get to go get margaritas. Adam asks about all the other men in Raven’s life- Ben Z, Ben Z’s dog, and Robby. Raven wants a man she can be honest with, like brutally honest. Adam wants a rose and thinks Raven is pretty so he’s agreeing with everything.

Time for the first freaking rose ceremony! There are 8 women and only 12 men. So four fellas are going home. Which means the fellas are scrambling for some roses.

Ben Z really wants Raven’s rose. Not as much as he loves his dog, but a lot. Raven doesn’t know what she is going to do with her rose. Well, she does know she’s not giving it to Robby and his 12 abs. But Adam isn’t going home without a fight and twirls Raven into a private make out session.

Robby is trying to get Amanda’s rose. He is kind of concerned because she used to be engaged to his buddy- Josh, the biggest, sweatiest asshole. Robby tries to go in for a kiss and is denied. And then refers to himself as #romanticrobby

Taylor and Derek are an actual couple and the only really obvious rose for tonight.

Both Iggy AND Diggy are gunning for Lacey’s rose. Poor Lacey.

Amanda lets short Alex know that he is not getting her rose. So he’s out on the prowl. And literally talks to everyone.

So Dean decides to actually talk to Kristina. He lets her know he isn’t really feeling it and the vibe is weird. And at least he says it before the rose ceremony.

And there’s a rose ceremony coming up! But we’ll never get to have it because there’s a special report. So we literally never get this rose ceremony.

Andddd we’re back!

To finish this episode we finally get a rose ceremony!

Taylor goes first and gives her rose to Derek (DUH)

Jasmine and Matt

Raven and Adam (damnit)

Alexis and Jack Stone

Lacey and Diggy (good choice girl!)

Danielle and Ben Z (come through Danielle! Ben will have to go a week longer without his dog, but is a week closer to love)

Kristina and Dean (it’s as if we saw Dean in all the previews)

Amanda gives her rose to Robby (UGHHHH)

So Diggy, Nick, Alex, and Vinny go home. Vinny at least gets a blooper filled exit with his seat belt.

It’s a new day in paradise so that means there’s going to be some new people to shake things up. And it’s Danielle L! In case you need a man’s opinion- she’s like really hot. And she has a cool nickname- DLo. So like she has everything going for her. And she wants to go with Dean, and he says yes.

We get a great scene of Jasmine and Alexis as besties. I’m so here for this. Yay for girl friendship!!

Dean is worried about Kristina’s “headspace” and wants to make sure she’s good with the date he is going on with another woman. But then he goes on the date with the other woman anyway. So obviously very concerned. Dean and DLo go riding on an ATV or whatever through the jungle. Both Dean and DLo think each other are like really pretty.

We get a nice cut of Kristina walking in the ocean all sad juxtaposed with Dean and DLo making out with each other. This is going to be a fun love triangle.

Kristina wants to be with Dean and Dean is kind of like flopping around. He manages to flop his way into a conversation with Kristina. I feel like important conversations should be had while at least sitting up and not while lounging on giant colored pillows. They don’t actually discuss anything though. But are now all good?

Everyone goes to the beach for a bonfire. And Dean and Kristina are good. Except Dean is an idiot because he brings DLo a half birthday cake. Ugh Dean. And awww Kristina because she’s sad because Dean is stupid.

Tomorrow night we deal with more of the Dean/Kristina drama. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY THERE IS JORGE TOURGES AND WELLS AND DANIELLE.

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E3 Part 1: Alex wants a rose, like any rose

The Bachelorette S12 E10: Men Tell All: Men Always Boring

Does anyone even enjoy Men Tell All?

It’s tied with After the Final Rose for the most boring/annoying episode of the season of The Bachelorette.

But here we are. Let’s listen to that one guy that got eliminated in the second week that won’t shut up, rehash old drama, and ask Dean how he feels now that his heart has been crushed into millions of tiny pieces on live tv.

We start with a recap of the “most memorable moments” from Men Tell All. They really aren’t important except for Chad.

Here are the randos no one remembers that are milking their five minutes of fame:

Jamey, Diggy (he has bow ties), Blake (hates Whaboom), Iggy, Anthony, Lucas WHABOOM, Fred (from camp), DeMario (Bachelor in Paradise scandal), Alex (he’s hot), Jonathan (tickle monster), Lee (racist asshole), Jack Stone, Josiah, Will, Matt, Kenny, Adam (father of AJ), and Deannnnnn.

First drama to rehash. WHABOOM vs. Blake. And we quickly move on to DeMario. Who denies that his “girlfriend” was anything besides a side chick. Whaboom backs up DeMario and says he believes him. This is a mess.

So Iggy and Josiah don’t like each other because Iggy ratted out Josiah to Rachel. This might be the most dramatic season ever because it seems like we didn’t spend any time with Rachel or thinking about her. Just stirring the pot and causing drama.

Now it’s time for the real drama. Kenny vs the biggest racist asshole ever Lee. Everyone agrees that Kenny is like a really nice dude. And Lee super sucks. Oh wait, nope, DeMario disagrees, he thinks Lee is great. Of course DeMario, of course.

We finally get someone in the hot seat- and it’s Kenny. I always liked Kenny. Kenny wants to set a good example for his daughter and not punch racist assholes named Lee on tv. And that’s why he didn’t punch Lee. Lee sort of apologizes but he still sucks.

Oh and here is a child! Kenzie is proud of her dad for trying to find love on tv. Oh and they get to go to Disneyland. That’s real nice.

Well now it’s Lee’s turn. I will not give him my time.

Now we can finally move on to Dean. His relationship with Rachel included sandcastles, bimps, and his family. Oh Dean and his family. Dean is proud of himself and his family to go through that.

Now it’s time for Rachel!! We get right to important part. It was really hard for Rachel to say goodbye to Dean. And there’s the closure. This is the weirdest paced episode ever.

Rachel lets Lee know when she watched the show she saw how much he sucked. He apologizes to Rachel.

Now it’s time for all of the guys to try and get closure with one question each. Adam wants to know why- the answer is because she felt something and didn’t want to take him all the way.

Fred goes next and it’s superrrrrrrr awkward. Fred wants to say Rachel didn’t give him a chance because he already knew her before. Kenny just wanted to remind Rachel she has his number.

The bloopers are pretty sub par except for Josiah shoving food in his face and Dean putting gum behind his ear and then eating it.

That’s it for Men Tell All- thank goodness.

Time to look at next week’s SEASON FINALE. WHO WILL RACHEL CHOOSE?!

Swarmy Bryan?

Won me over Eric?

Or OMG ❤ ❤ not ready for a proposal Peter?!

 

The Bachelorette S12 E10: Men Tell All: Men Always Boring

The Bachelorette S12 E9: I want to join Rachel’s family

There’s only three men left on The Bachelorette…that only means one thing! Chris Harrison inviting Rachel to get it on in the Fantasy Suites!

We start with everyone still in Dallas – because Rachel wants everyone to meet her family and her super preggers sister can’t travel so it’s happening right now!

Peter goes first. They go baby clothes shopping, Peter is pretty good at it.

So since they aren’t going abroad just yet, this means the men are not separated. Which means that Bryan can be a gossip whore. He’s bad mouthing Peter because Peter said he might not put a ring on it.

Peter wants Rachel to know how he feels, he means the world to her. And he finally says it. HE IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH RACHEL. SHE IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM. YASSSSS.

Peter gets to meet Rachel’s family which includes her sister, Mom, Uncle, Aunt, and her Dad isn’t there because he’s off being intimidating.  Peter’s parents got married after a month and have been married for 36 years. It’s almost like fate!

Rachel talks to her hella pregger sister who is skeptical. Because remember last time Nick met her family and we all know how that ended up. Rachel talks to her mom about her doubts as well.

So Rachel’s mom goes straight for the jugular and asks Peter if he’s going to propose. And Peter still isn’t sure (goddamn Peter). And he’s not going to ask for permission to marry Rachel because he’s not sure. And her mom appreciates this. BUT I DO NOT. It was a nice family meeting but come on Peter, make a commitment. This is a show about getting married on national tv! Get with the program! (literally).

Eric is next. They look at the skyline and stuff.

Ugh Bryan and Peter talk and Bryan continues to be annoying and stirring the pot.

Back to Eric, in case he hasn’t already mentioned it 15 million times, he’s never done this before. Does this mean dating someone on reality tv? Or just meeting someone’s family? We’ll never know!! (It’s meeting someone’s family).

Eric lets everyone know he didn’t come from a typical family. And that family means a lot to him. Constance, Rachel’s sister, is a little dubious of Eric. Because remember that one time that Eric never loved anyone or met anyone’s family ever etc., etc. Eric wants a family and a wife and blah blah blah.

But Eric goes in for the kill, and asks for Rachel’s hand in marriage. She says yes but like not outright- more like if Rachel decides that she would want to pick you then you could propose.

Bryan’s turn. Ugh. He gets to have brunch with some girlfriends. Bryan doesn’t deserve bottomless mimosas. Rachel tells her friends she thought Bryan was a douchebag. RACHEL YOU ARE A SMART LADY. YOU KNOW BEST. UGH.

Time for Bryan to meet the family. Rachel’s mom isn’t stupid. She asks Bryan about his weird super clingy mom. And Bryan reluctantly ranks his future wife over his mom. Bryan then says Rachel was his girlfriend after a week. Constance isn’t hearing this BS.

The family keeps asking questions to the point that Bryan asks to be excused. If you can’t handle the heat GO HOME RIGHT NOW. Rachel’s family remind her of the fact she’s been living in a literal bubble and that maybe she needs to look at Bryan from a different perspective AKA he’s a douchebag. She’s really defensive of him.

Rachel’s mom has some red flags. It’s because Bryan is just throwing around the word love and like how it happened in 5 seconds. Remember Peter and the fact he wants more time. Like a rational person.

Bryan of course has to ask Rachel’s mom for her permission to marry Rachel. Rachel’s mom says not everything can be perfect, so Bryan and Rachel can’t just skip off into the sunset. But she gives Bryan permission because she is a great mom and trusts her daughter. Rachel’s mom is the best. Bryan is not the best.

TIME TO TAKE THIS LOVE SHOW ON THE ROAD. Did you know that Spain is the perfect place to fall in love?! (By Spain I mean literally every country the finale happens in).

Here are my recaps of Rachel’s recaps of the men:

Bryan said I love you first.

Peter makes Rachel believe in the journey and doesn’t want to propose just yet

And Eric is just there.

So Eric gets to go first. Because we won’t remember his date by the end of this episode. They go on a helicopter ride. I really feel like we haven’t had that many this season. I’m feeling jipped.  The climb a mountain and ring a wish granting bell.

Now it’s nighttime….and that only means one thing…FANTASY SUITES. Rachel needs to dive deeper before she just willy-nilly gives out room keys from Chris Harrison. She makes him talk about his feelings for her. And here we go, official “I love you” from Eric! And nothing gets you a fantasy suite invite quite like some lovin’. Eric says yes because he isn’t stupid.

Time for the next morning-obvious-we-had-sex-rumpled-bed. They did it. And now we’re moving on.

BECAUSE IT’S PETER’S TURN.

They get to talk to an adorable old Spanish man about his wine cave. He sings to Rachel. It’s incredibly awkward but I love a little old man so it’s adorable. Peter lets Rachel know that he takes engagements SUPER seriously. Like he means it if they get engaged. Unlike everyone else that has ever been on this show. A random little girl interrupts this conversation so Rachel and Peter get to make out in the tub of grapes that get stomped into wine. Thank you little girl.

Peter’s family has an adorbs family tradition of saving a cork from special occasions with a memory on it and it’s so cute and imma steal this tradition. Rachel has to bring the conversation back around to the engagement. Rachel is a little more loose in her ideas of engagement while Peter, if he is going to commit, is going to commit.  COMMIT PETER.

And Peter doesn’t know how to compromise on this issue. AHHHGHHHH. NOOO NOOO. And Rachel doesn’t know what to do. Hand him the damn fantasy suite card and get on with being in love with each other forever.

Next week is Men Tell All. Urgh.

But in two weeks we get the finale where Peter better not mess things up!! If he even gets to the finale!? This might actually be the most dramatic season ever.

 

The Bachelorette S12 E9: I want to join Rachel’s family

The Bachelorette S13 E2: Adorbs dudes and more adorbs puppies

Sorry for the delay, but I say it every year, three day weekends are for going out and doing things, not for tv!

So Rachel is the most adorable person ever with the most ADORABLE FLUFFY DOG EVER!

A minute 1:56 into the episode Chris Harrison pulls out the words of the show ‘right reasons’ I feel like it might be a sign (and all the marketing that there’s a secret girlfriend) that someone might not be here to find true love on tv.

Time for the first group date of the season! We get: Dean, Jack, Jonathan (Tickle Monster), Blake, Iggy, Kenny #TEAMKENNY, Fred (camp kid), and Lucas AKA Whaboom

The very first date of the season starts off with a BBQ and then quickly devolves from there because it’s not the Bachelorette without a weird activity BUT OMG MILA KUNIS AND ASHTON KUTCHER ARE THERE. OMG. They have to do a husband themed obstacle course and OMG I can’t get over how incredibly adorable and in love Mila and Ashton are #lifegoals.

In the least surprising news ever, Whaboom takes the game to like fifteen levels too much and spikes the baby into the ground while yelling and almost tackling Kenny to the ground. I’m scared. But don’t worry, Ashton is definitely not on team Whaboom, so there is still good in this world.

Rachel isn’t really thrilled with how incredibly boring the second half of the date is. But don’t worry, Blake is here to stir the pot and discuss how much he hates Whaboom! Because he lives with Whaboom’s ex-girlfriend…?

Peter, Rachel’s male gap-toothed counterpart gets the first one-on-one!

Rachel is not bored any longer when she talks to Dean. He’s cute, they were cute. I like him. While this is going on, Whaboom and Blake continue to insult each other.

Next is Kenny’s turn and he is my favorite and the best and adorable. And he doesn’t go in for a kiss because he’s too nervous and awwwwwwwwww. Dean gets the group date rose and I’ll take it because he’s cute too.

Peter’s one-on-one date is next, they go to Palm Springs…but not alone…BECAUSE COPPER THE FLUFFIEST PUPPY IS COMING. And wait, there’s more! They go to Barkfest which is full of adorable dogs and a doggy photobooth and doggy smoothies!

The next group date is for Will, Jamey, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, and DeMario. I have no idea who most of those people are.

Peter and Rachel discuss the elephant in the room- their matching gap teeth. They also discuss how they both went to therapists, yay mental health positivity! He gets the rose because they are both adorable and Peter is now on my list of boys I like. Rachel also refers to herself as a #smittenkitten and even though it’s not a dog themed reference, I’ll take it. AND we get the first fireworks show of the season!

The group date is basketball themed, and because this is 2017 there is one manbun in attendance (it’s more of a manponytail, but close enough). And Kareem Abdul Jabbar comes to help them play, even I know who that is.  They play the #sport and some of the guys suck (the white ones) and DeMario is real good and keeps dunking. And this is once again the Bachelorette, so the date doesn’t stop there, everyone will have to showcase their lack of #sportsskills at a game in front of a packed audience of people forced to watch them. Oh wait, Chris Harrison is the emcee, these people want to be here to watch that happen.

DeMario does real good at the sports with all the dunking and stuff but then it doesn’t go so well. His girlfriend shows up to dunk the truth (I don’t know how to make a proper sports reference). And damn is she mad. And crazy. And this is confusing. DeMario says they were on and off again for a while. While crazy lady swears on her father’s grave/alive kitten that she isn’t lying. She has texts! Of proof! Sort of. Rachel makes DeMario leave and like crazy lady seemed kind of actually ridiculous and I’m sure the truth is a mixture of both of their stories.

Rachel is so annoyed she doesn’t even want to talk to Chris Harrison about it! And that’s serious.

But she doesn’t cancel the second part of the date so the guys then all console her and reassure that they are indeed there for the ‘right reasons.’ This includes the one dude whose name I have no idea what it is singing in Russian… Josiah gets the group date rose because he was real good and understanding of Rachel’s problems.

Back to the house and HOLY CRAP those guys are messy. Also HOLY CRAP Rachel’s dress is amazing. The production crew needs to work on the mics, you can hear every ice cube clinking around in Rachel’s glass.

Bryan the chiropractor that got the first impression rose gives Rachel a massage. She then gets shown a Barbie dream house AND has a thumb war before DeMario shows up to crash what is possibly one of the most boring nights of Rachel’s life. Of course, DeMario has to speak to Chris Harrison first before being allowed back in. Rachel decides to go hear DeMario out – the guys find out, and decide to all follow her out to the driveway so they can group beat him up….? MEN TESTOSTERONE PUNCHING

Too bad we won’t know what happens until next week!

The Bachelorette S13 E2: Adorbs dudes and more adorbs puppies

The Bachelor S21 E10: THE FINALE #iceicebaby

So this is it! The whole enchilada! The entire box of cheese pasta….the winner is…VANESSA!

So now you don’t really need the recap, but let’s do it anyway.

The episode starts with Raven meeting Nick’s family for the second time. In case you also wiped the memory of that sad Wisconsin themed week from your head, she met them the first time at Becca’s soccer game. Raven is upbeat, personable, and smiley, so obviously impresses everyone for a second time.

Next is Vanessa, who, unsurprisingly decides to ask Nick’s family some ‘hard questions.’ Like is Nick ready for this? And is love really enough for a marriage? Did you know that Vanessa only wants to be engaged once? In case you missed it she says it about 10 more times. We learn that Nick gets his crying from his dad and it’s nice and tense just the way Vanessa likes it.

We get the last dates ever of the season next. Vanessa gets to go horse back riding through the snow and then meet SANTA CLAUS. I’m going with excited for my emotion about this part of the date because otherwise it would just be damn creepy that a man is sitting in a shack with a weird wood carving of Vanessa and Nick and a fertility symbol. Yup, let’s go with excited. They then get their evening part of the date were Vanessa stays on task by asking Nick more aggressive questions and then crying. Since we know she has won I will point out that they are good for each other because they are just as annoying and ridiculous.

Next is Raven’s date. They get to ice skate on this magically clear part of some Finnish pond. Nick somehow picks Raven up while still skating and no one ends up with an ice skate through their eye socket, which is just damn impressive. Raven remains adorable and becomes adorable to the Nth degree when Nick somehow conjures up some puppies. To continue the ridiculousness/foil that Raven is, she tells Nick she has zero reservations and this is the relationship for her…sorry hun, you were too good for this show.

I bet you thought that we forgot Neil Lane/he was going to boycott Nick because you really can only pick out a diamond ring for a girl that is going to dump you so many times. But no, we get the man himself here to guide Nick into this relationship that is going to last forever…or until the end of Dancing with the Stars. Nick picks out the pretty sparkler and it’s time to do this!

So if we were picking on evening gowns alone Vanessa slayed it. She looks gorgeoussssssss and Raven looks like she’s wearing a weird version of a mother of a bride dress. We get the iconic shoe out of the limo shot to confirm Raven just isn’t having a good day.

She handles the break up incredibly well and manages to get into the limo and through her confessional without threatening to bludgeon Vanessa with a stiletto, we’ve made some real progress here people.

Now it’s Vanessa’s turn to rock her fantastic black sparkly dress and to take this relationship that started with a vomit filled kiss to the next level. That’s right, Nick gets down on that one knee and proposes. A true Bachelor ending. And it’s adorbs and they look like they love each other but only time and dwindling money will tell.

That’s it folks! Nick has finally found love so now he can stop being on our Bachelor franchises and move on to bigger, more sparkly disco balls. Not sure if Rachel’s journey of love or Bachelor in Paradise will air next, but either way it will be full of drama, tears, and finding love on national tv.

The Bachelor S21 E10: THE FINALE #iceicebaby

The Bachelor S21 E9 Part 1: Whose fantasy is this?

This week’s episode is only 1 hour for some reason, which means next week is 3 HOURS LONG.

It’s ANDIIIIIIII! In case you don’t know Andi was how Nick first started on his journey to love. He was in her top two. But like omg what is she doing here??! This isn’t planned at all. They have a great heart to heart. Which involves Andi straight out asking if he is planning on having sex with them. Nick pretends he doesn’t know. HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. Nick is so confident in the process after their great heart to heart.

And of course because this season is so freaking ridiculous we get in the ‘coming up’ section that Raven is going to Finland AND she has never had an orgasm. This is such a quality show.

ROSE CEREMONY TIME! Remember these, they’re supposed to happen at the end of the episode each week but Nick doesn’t follow any rules so we haven’t had one in forever.

Raven gets the first rose which oh wait we already knew. Then Rachel, who as we all know is the Bachelorette so like, when does she actually go home? And finally………VANESSA. BUH BYE CORINNE. NICE KNOWING YOU. And sincerely nice knowing your nanny, Raquel.

Corinne has learned her lesson and will never kiss up to a man again. Well good for you Corinne. Good luck on your journey in love that will definitely include Bachelor in Paradise.

Now it’s time to go to…………..Finland…? No offense Finland but there’s definitely been better finale locations. I’m sure you’re great but I kind of want more than a few hours of sunlight a day.

Raven gets the first Fantasy Suite date.  They get to have a nice helicopter ride. They go to a bar. And Raven is scared of saying I love you. And the sex, because she’s never had an orgasm. Which I didn’t need to know. Their date continues as Nick wears a ridiculous turtleneck sweater and talks to Raven in the candlelight. Raven takes 10 of this hour long episode’s minutes to declare her love for Nick. But it’s cute because Raven is cute. She super eagerly accepts the Fantasy Suite invite. But gives Nick two things to think of- she’s only been with one man, her ex, and he never made her orgasm. Because it’s 2017 and we should be direct and to the point with what we want as women. And we know what Raven wants.

Next week:

3 HOURS BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A LIFE I GUESS

Do we find out if Raven is ‘satisified’??? Rachel will probably not win since she’s the bachelorette. And Vanessa wears a cute one piece bathing suit.

And then it’s women tell all where we dredge up drama that didn’t happen! And discuss Corinne. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #cheesepasta #platinumvagine

The Bachelor S21 E9 Part 1: Whose fantasy is this?

The Bachelor S21 E6: Sending errbody home

Remember that one time the previous episode didn’t end on a cliffhanger…oh wait.

So Taylor was supposed to stay in the damn bayou forever but decided to walk the streets of New Orleans instead to tell Nick one last thing. She doesn’t really like say anything. So then she leaves. LAMEEEEEEEE

What Corinne learned from this experience is that cats have 9 lives and bitches have 2.

Rose ceremony time! And Nick is forgoing the cocktail party.

The roses go to Kristina (the Russian dental hygienist), Raven (the southern girl who roller skates throughout Wisconsin), Vanessa (Canadian), Danielle L (the business owner with great dresses), Jasmine (the dancer), Danielle M (baby saving lady) and the final rose goes toooooo WHITNEY

So bye to Josephine who was there way too long, Jaimi who kissed a girl, and Alexis the not yet a dolphin trainer

Time for a trip to Saint Thomas! Kristina gets the first one-on-one. We learn that Kristina is adopted and from Russia.

Corinne is feeling homesick, don’t worry, the producers bring in Lorna, the nanny of St. Thomas!

They didn’t really have any food and she was in the orphanage. She had an actually really tough past. She was almost a Russian prostitute…now she’s just the American version (oooh burnnnn). She gets the rose because it’s not like Nick has any other choice at this point.

Group date is: Rachel, Raven, Vanessa, Corinne, Danielle M, Jasmine

………. which leaves Danielle L and Whitney. Okay…Whitney has had zero screen time and has no beef with Danielle, so this makes so much sense.

Group date time. Volleyball on the beach. Corinne is drunk and wants a nap. We learn that if Jasmine was a vegetable she’d be a turnip, because she’s all the way turned up. Thanks Raven. And all the ladies are done with the #sports And they all start crying?…okay. Nick needs to get the date back on track during the nighttime portion. He realizes that everyone is still stressed because they didn’t magically all become unstressed in the last 2 hours.

Jasmine can’t handle the pressure and just wants to punch Nick in the face…because that’s a normal reaction. She’s getting more frustrated as the night goes on. So she decides to tell Nick about it. Because talking about your problems is good…in real life…which isn’t this show. She’s just been so real and Nick just doesn’t even know. She then sort of cries and then tells Nick how much she wants to have sex with him and then discusses the ‘chokey,’ which is not Matilda related and was terrifying. So he sends her home. Yet I’m still scarred for life. Raven got the rose but like we didn’t even get to see that because everyone just wanted the damn date to end.

To continue the awkward, cringe worthy date we have our second two-on-one of the season. Whitney is one of the two people on this date. Whitney has gotten less than 5 minutes of screen time…this entire season.  Danielle L is the other girl on this date, she has a nickname…It’s D-Lo. Good to know. Nick then stops talking to Danielle to go break up with Whitney. And then we have the classic leave the dumped girl on an island alone while the helicopter flies away.

Danielle and Nick proceed to the second part of the date. And there is no background music…never a good sign. Nick wants to know what kind of relationship D Lo is looking for. She says Love. Great response. Nick wants something raw and adventurous. Just not Jasmine level raw. This is awkward. And not going to end well. D Lo tells Nick she is falling in love with Nick, honey, you missed some clues, this isn’t going well. Nick tells it like it is, his heart isn’t feeling D Lo. Bye bye.

Nick sent a lotta ladies home this week on dates- Jasmine and her choking, Whitney and her blah-ness, and D Lo and her horrible nickname.

Nick goes and talks to the other girls…and cries. There are only 6 ladies left: Vanessa, Corinne, Danielle M, Raven, Kristina, and Rachel.

NEXT WEEK:

More cryingggggggggg. Corinne decides to use her ‘top notch sex abilities’ to turn around this situation. #platinumvagine

The Bachelor S21 E6: Sending errbody home