Bachelor in Paradise S3 E12: THE FINALEEE

So to recap, just in case you don’t know. There are 4 couples still

Grant and Lace #Grace

Carly and Evan #ew

Josh and Amanda #groanmoan

Nick and Jen #obviouslynotgoingtoworkout

We start with Evan and Carly so I can barf at the beginning. They def did it and Evan wrote a sweet rap/poem for Carly and I wanted to barf some more.

Grant and Lace also totally did it. And Grant feels weird in a bad way…hope it isn’t an STD! He’s feeling some doubts and doesn’t know what he is going to do. So Lace cries and is a little mad about the matching tattoos that are like for forever.

Jen and Nick definitely did it because there’s like blankets and clothes on the floor. So that’s 3 confirmed sexy times on tv for Nick- Andi, Kaitlyn, and now Jen.

Josh and Amanda already did it like five million times before so we already knew that and at least we don’t get to see/hear Josh moaning. Amanda feels like her relationship is so perfect except wait Josh sucks. Josh is worried about Amanda’s children and in the last five minutes realized they exist since Amanda mentioned they like to crawl into her bed in the mornings.

NEILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLANEEEEEEEEEEEE

Evan goes first to look at the bling bling. He is like really nervous.

Then we have Grant who is like really confused.

Neil gives Nick some crap for being there a third freaking time.

Josh wants to know if there is a diamond as big as his ego.

Carly and Evan get to go first. Carly is wearing an unfortunate purple dress. Evans out with a throwback to their hospital visit. It’s kind of cute because they both cry.  AND WE GET IT. PROPOSAL #1. And it wasn’t totally vomit inducing. Carly is excited to leave and like meet Evan’s children and sit on the patio. etc

Grant and Lace are next, at least her dress is better. Lace is nervous because their fantasy suite wasn’t a ‘fantasy’ and she has that FREAKING TATTOO.  Lace needs to stop running from this. And she loves Grant, but she loves Grace more. Back to needing to barf. Grant loves Lace when she is sad, mad, and incredibly wasted. So they can be true loves together now.

Nick and Jen are next and it’s almost like we know how this will end…oh wait we do! Obvi they aren’t together because Nick is the next bachelor so they don’t end up together. Jen lets Nick know that she wants to fall in love if he will catch her, but nope. He’s got other ladies to date now!

Josh and Amanda are next, let’s hope he doesn’t moan through all of it. Josh shows up and isn’t sweaty…yet. And obviously he proposes. And here comes the sweat. #truelove #Ihatehim

 

And that’s it folks! A record of three freaking engagements and a new bachelor.

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Bachelor in Paradise S3 E12: THE FINALEEE

Bachelor in Paradise S3 E11: FANTASY SWEET!

So we start off with the drama no one cares about.

Long story short- Brett tells Izzy he likes Lauren better. Izzy cries and leaves and calls Vinny on the car ride home and Vinny tells her straight up- you leave me for a lamp I’m not giving you a second chance.

We have the rose ceremony and beforehand ‘Shoe’ asks Wells if he will pick her. He says no. She cries and leaves? Why did she even come? We’ll never know.

Brett decides he can’t give his rose to anyone. And when it’s Well’s turn his love now-triangle turns into a line when he chooses Ashley I. If only he new the drama.

So we have 5 couples left.

Josh and Amanda- GOD NO

Carly and Evan- Still ew

Grant and Lace- #grace

Nick and Jen- spoilers seems that it doesn’t work out since he’s the next bachelor

And Wells and Ashley I

We get to hear lots of fun talk about if Wells will finally be the one to have sex with Ashley I and this freaks him out, that and like he’s been on this insane island for like 3 days and seems slightly rational. So he tells Ashley that she won’t be getting her dream fantasy suite and they both leave.

Onto everyone’s one-on-one dates.

Grant and Lace “explore” Mexico complete with a tattoo parlor and a man named Chops? Who wears a button up shirt but only the top two buttons so he can showcase his skeleton tattoo beer belly…yeah. They get matching ‘Grace’ tattoos. Thank god their names didn’t combine into something even stupider.

Nick and Jen get to go stand up paddle boarding in what seems the roughest surf in all of Mexico and repeatedly get pummeled.

Carly and Evan get another weird date which consists of body painting by rubbing paint on your body and rubbing your body on a canvas. It is facilitated by a lady with some ginormous boobs. Evan wears tighty white-ys and it’s icky as always.

Josh and Amanda’s date consists of them annoying some local children and watching them play soccer to prove just how fantastic Josh is with children. He would totally like to be the overinvolved coach dad one day. #lifegoals

We end with lots of shadow shots and steaming scenes, fantasy suites means lots and lots of innuendos.

Tomorrow on the finale!!!

People will propose after literally knowing other people for 21 days. WHO WILL IT BE? How big is Neil Lane’s diamond?! WILL TRUE LOVE HAPPEN!?!?!

Bachelor in Paradise S3 E11: FANTASY SWEET!