This week’s episode is only 1 hour for some reason, which means next week is 3 HOURS LONG.
It’s ANDIIIIIIII! In case you don’t know Andi was how Nick first started on his journey to love. He was in her top two. But like omg what is she doing here??! This isn’t planned at all. They have a great heart to heart. Which involves Andi straight out asking if he is planning on having sex with them. Nick pretends he doesn’t know. HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. Nick is so confident in the process after their great heart to heart.
And of course because this season is so freaking ridiculous we get in the ‘coming up’ section that Raven is going to Finland AND she has never had an orgasm. This is such a quality show.
ROSE CEREMONY TIME! Remember these, they’re supposed to happen at the end of the episode each week but Nick doesn’t follow any rules so we haven’t had one in forever.
Raven gets the first rose which oh wait we already knew. Then Rachel, who as we all know is the Bachelorette so like, when does she actually go home? And finally………VANESSA. BUH BYE CORINNE. NICE KNOWING YOU. And sincerely nice knowing your nanny, Raquel.
Corinne has learned her lesson and will never kiss up to a man again. Well good for you Corinne. Good luck on your journey in love that will definitely include Bachelor in Paradise.
Now it’s time to go to…………..Finland…? No offense Finland but there’s definitely been better finale locations. I’m sure you’re great but I kind of want more than a few hours of sunlight a day.
Raven gets the first Fantasy Suite date. They get to have a nice helicopter ride. They go to a bar. And Raven is scared of saying I love you. And the sex, because she’s never had an orgasm. Which I didn’t need to know. Their date continues as Nick wears a ridiculous turtleneck sweater and talks to Raven in the candlelight. Raven takes 10 of this hour long episode’s minutes to declare her love for Nick. But it’s cute because Raven is cute. She super eagerly accepts the Fantasy Suite invite. But gives Nick two things to think of- she’s only been with one man, her ex, and he never made her orgasm. Because it’s 2017 and we should be direct and to the point with what we want as women. And we know what Raven wants.
3 HOURS BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A LIFE I GUESS
Do we find out if Raven is ‘satisified’??? Rachel will probably not win since she’s the bachelorette. And Vanessa wears a cute one piece bathing suit.
And then it’s women tell all where we dredge up drama that didn’t happen! And discuss Corinne. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #cheesepasta #platinumvagine