Bachelor in Paradise S4 E6: Hide from the Tickle Monster

Maybe, if we wish real hard, we’ll get a rose ceremony on this episode of Bachelor in Paradise.

It’s Daniel! He’s Canadian! He has a rose to give out, and there’s a lot of ladies looking for a rose to get. Lacey is very very very excited he is here. Daniel calls her and the other unattached ladies “scraps.” The other ladies being Christen and Jasmine.

We are getting a rose ceremony! I didn’t believe it!

Daniel goes first and gives Lacey his rose (I guess she isn’t total scraps)

Jack Stone and Christen #scallopfingers

Ah! It’s Matt! He came back! He didn’t run away as fast as humanly possible. He gives the rose to Jasmine, so now she doesn’t have to go home. Jasmine is having none of it, except for the rose part.

Derek and Taylor- don’t worry their back to being the boring make out couple of paradise

Robby and Amanda

Diggy and Dominique

Adam and Raven- because duh, Raven is the best, and too good for him

Dean and Kristina

Ben Z and D-Lo- because some producer told him to do that so we could get continued Dean being an idiot.

So Sarah and Alexis (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) are going home.

Dean and Kristina’s relationship really is strong as they play Truth or Dare and Kristina dares Dean to get a boner and he fails.

Paradise is under attack!!! By luchadores! Or as #scallopfingers calls them, sumo wrestlers. It’s a date card for Daniel! And Lacey is really excited. Except Daniel isn’t ready to commit just yet. Lacey doesn’t understand how he isn’t immediately asking her, because she’s ready for a long term relationship. He talks to the ladies but does settle for Lacey.

There’s a new arrival in paradise- Jonathan the tickle monster. Since there really aren’t many other options the ladies have to pretend they’re super excited and interested in him. He goes to talk to Christen and they like kiss within the first 5 minutes. I don’t even know where that came from?! She gets both the date and the tickle.

Daniel and Lacey get a wrestling themed date with some “actual wrestling” and some very shiny outfits. And fringe pants.

So Dean can’t decide between Kristina and D-Lo. In his own words: “Kristina is super smart and deep. D-Lo is really hot.” He wants to keep his options open. And Kristina doesn’t want to be anyone’s option, because she’s really freaking great and Dean sucks.

“Tickle” as we are now calling him and Christen go on their date. They discuss doctoring and babies and board shorts and Superman.

Daniel and Lacey get back from their date and are feeling each other and going to make out and Jasmine interrupts. Jasmine, what are you doing?

Christen and Tickle get back and Jack Stone wants to know how it went. Because Jack Stone wants Christen’s rose. And he makes out with Christen.

So we learn that Kristina and Dean definitely had sex in paradise and then like 3 minutes later Dean and D-Lo are playing around in the pool. Kristina is done with Dean and I agree. Screw him, he sucks. She even says the orphanage is better than paradise. The orphanage in Russia where she ate lipstick to survive.

Well, until next week!

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Bachelor in Paradise S4 E6: Hide from the Tickle Monster

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E5: Scallop fingers and Glow Sticks

Time to get back to paradise, Bachelor in Paradise!

We start the episode out by feeding a blindfolded Jack Stone various items. Including a dead, stinky crab. Well they attempt to put the crab in his mouth. Jack Stone proves to not be a total idiot and refuses. Good job Jack.

As Wells points out, Jasmine seems nice and funny. She also seems intense. And strangle-y. This definitely isn’t a premonition for what is going to go down.

Christen is here! I guess she’s a virgin. Jasmine is worried that she is going to take Matt on a date. As she says, no one likes a virgin pina colada. Matt, although, might be on board. Sometimes you need to detox. Christen picks Matt. Matt says yes.

Jasmine is nottttttt happy. She’s not like worried because it’s Christen. Yeah, but actions speak a little louder than words. Except Jasmine wants to add some words to her actions. Christen says she felt that Matt and her had the best connection. Jasmine says it’s fine (it’s not fine) and that she can go run off and be in love together forever. Jasmine really means she wants to choke the “slimy snake.”

Matt and Christen get to go on their date. Which starts with eating chocolate covered bananas. These producers do love a virgin.

So on Nick’s season Christen and Alexis and 6 other people were in a car and Christen had a purse full of scallops…? And ate them? And it smelled. And she smacked Alexis with her scallop fingers giving Alexis scallop shoulder. #scallopfingers

Matt and Christen’s date continues as they try on bathing suits. And then get to drink at a bar. And make out. So that’s not going to end well with Jasmine.

Jasmine is readying herself to go in for the kill.

So Christen/scallop fingers orders some shrimp. And carries around the shrimp. So maybe seafood fingers is a more apt name. Jasmine asks Jack Stone for some advice on how to deal with the situation of Christen/Matt. Jack should probably just run away and hide. Jasmine has a crazy look in her eye but does not end up strangling Matt…yet.

Robby decides to get romantic by cracking a million glow sticks and throwing them in the pool to have a date with Amanda. Amanda thinks Robby (and his glow stick cracking skills) are really nice but isn’t sure she’s feeling it in a romantic way. Maybe because Robby sucks.

So both Sarah and Raven went on dates with Adam. And Sarah wants to know if Adam is feeling it because he needs to decide (WHY IS ADAM IN A LOVE TRIANGLE?!).

Our other love triangle with Dean, Kristina, and DLo. Which at least makes slightly more sense. Dean just doesn’t want to commit because he’s being stupid.

Paradise isn’t perfect, so let’s have some more drama. Taylor and Derek are the “strongest couple.” They were sitting on the giant pillows and Derek sarcastically says “F*** you.” And Taylor flips the f*** out. She doesn’t like the language he is using, which is a valid point. But she doesn’t need to be this outraged. She tells Dominique that her emotional piggy bank is drained. How do you drain an emotional piggy bank? Shouldn’t you just shake it until the coins come out and then smash it?

It’s time for a cocktail party, which means we maybe might get a rose ceremony. All these threesomes need to establish who is going to win the rose, because time is running out. Raven starts by talking to Adam. Adam responds by kissing her. So it seems like she is ahead in the race of Raven vs. Sarah.

But Sarah swoops in to steal Adam away. She wants a real boyfriend, not just a paradise boyfriend (she also wants a rose).  She also gets a kiss.

Moving on to the next love triangle! Diggy, Lacey, and Dominique. Lacey is disappointed and tells Diggy and doesn’t really let Diggy get a word in edge wise. So there goes her rose.

The next love triangle is Dean, Kristina, and DLo. Dean lets Kristina that he considers her feelings before he makes any decisions. Yeahhhh, bullsh*t. He then talks to D-Lo anddddddddd kisses her.

Robby is still trying really hard to get out of the friendzone. He tries by bringing Amanda some hotel slippers. Oh Robby. She just isn’t feeling it. But Robby doesn’t give up and finally gets his kiss. Ick.

Taylor and Derek are trying to work out their giant fight about Derek using the F word. Taylor doesn’t want to be his therapist. Well no, Taylor, you shouldn’t do that. Derek is a genuinely nice human being and apologizes. Yeah, he’s too good for her.

Let’s address the last love triangle (Thank god there aren’t any more). Matt, Christen, and Jasmine! Matt is scared of Jasmine and can’t guarantee that he can give Christen his rose. Jasmine just wants Matt to relax, because he’s the high strung one in this situation. Matt would rather just go home. So he leaves.

A very good move because now he is far away from Jasmine. And Christen who is now crying. As Wells points out, only serial killer Jack Stone is left with his unclaimed rose. So now it’s time for Jasmine to redirect her choking hands towards his neck but she knows she’s not getting the rose. Christen tries too, staring with a line about her virginity. And ending with a make out session.

Chris Harrison brings in a new person before the rose ceremony because they need actual contestants in order for there to be a show. And it is…….CANADIAN DANIEL!

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E5: Scallop fingers and Glow Sticks

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E4: Digging Diggy

And we’re back with Bachelor in Paradise!

We left off with Kristina being sad about Dean being an asshole. Matt comforts her and Jack Stone wonders who would give her a rose.

Sarah shows up next. She and Raven met Adam during the break in Dallas, and Sarah and Adam were cuddling? She wants to go out with Adam. But all the ladies are pushing Ben. Sarah tries to talk to Ben, he talks about his dog. At least he’s consistent…? She goes with Adam. He says yes.

They get to drink some giant margaritas. Adam and Sarah learn they both jump into relationships too fast, hmmm, it’s almost like they think they’ll find love on a tv show within 6 weeks.

Danielle is like totally into Wells. They make a cute pact to get married in five years if they are still single. Or they could get married now.

There are currently 8 guys and 11 girls so three ladies are going home. I really hope no one else shows up.

Lacey gets the next date card, which is from Jorge. She should probably just go on the date with Jorge. She wants to get out of the friendzone. Except most of the guys prefer the friendzone with her. She picks Diggy and he says yes! More importantly, Jorge planned their date! #jorgestorges. Jorge leads them to a beautiful beach with a beautiful beach…where he was conceived. Diggy and Lacey get some alone time so they can make out.

Danielle is not feeling paradise. She is feeling Wells. Oh and she can go work in Africa, go take that job honey. Get off this horrible beach.

Dominique is here…? She’s from Nick’s season…? Okay. She is digging Diggy. But Lacey is also digging Diggy. Taylor is Dominique’s friend (I guess one person knows who she is) and tells her to pick Diggy. She picks Diggy. Lacey is really sad. So Taylor decides to talk to her about it, that seems like a bad idea.

Diggy and Dominique get to have a romantic dinner of…sushi? Mexico is totally known for its sushi. They feed each other some chocolate covered strawberries. Diggy uses the line “I want to know what that strawberry just experienced,” and lost five million points in my book.

Danielle is leaving because she’s too good for this show. She is literally going to go help children in Africa. Wells gives her a goodbye kiss! AHHHH

We’ll have to wait until the season finale to get an update on their relationship. I believe!!!

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E4: Digging Diggy

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E3 Part 1: Alex wants a rose, like any rose

This week on Bachelor in Paradise…!

So there were some couples before filming shut down. But then everyone went home and were not intoxicated 24/7 and trapped on an island and got some perspective. So the ladies are unhappy.

Dean and Kristina went on an off camera road trip but now its kind of wonky.

Adam shows up. He is the father of Adam Junior, aka AJ, aka the best creepiest mannequin ever to exist. The bros are like super chill and say like all the women are like super open except for Taylor and Derek. Adam comes in hot with lots of questions for the ladies. He wants to know Raven’s ultimate goal for this show—- isn’t it everyone’s? Free booze on an island with slightly above average attractive people?

It’s time for Adam to decide who he is taking on his date. He asks Raven. And she says yes. Kristina has to turn her attention back to Dean who is being flaky. She wakes him from a nap to discuss. Let sleeping Deans lie. Dean decides to go shower, this is going well.

This season really seems to be more like Bachelor in Bro-adise. Because there are a lot of bromances happening and not so many romances.

Raven and Adam get to go get margaritas. Adam asks about all the other men in Raven’s life- Ben Z, Ben Z’s dog, and Robby. Raven wants a man she can be honest with, like brutally honest. Adam wants a rose and thinks Raven is pretty so he’s agreeing with everything.

Time for the first freaking rose ceremony! There are 8 women and only 12 men. So four fellas are going home. Which means the fellas are scrambling for some roses.

Ben Z really wants Raven’s rose. Not as much as he loves his dog, but a lot. Raven doesn’t know what she is going to do with her rose. Well, she does know she’s not giving it to Robby and his 12 abs. But Adam isn’t going home without a fight and twirls Raven into a private make out session.

Robby is trying to get Amanda’s rose. He is kind of concerned because she used to be engaged to his buddy- Josh, the biggest, sweatiest asshole. Robby tries to go in for a kiss and is denied. And then refers to himself as #romanticrobby

Taylor and Derek are an actual couple and the only really obvious rose for tonight.

Both Iggy AND Diggy are gunning for Lacey’s rose. Poor Lacey.

Amanda lets short Alex know that he is not getting her rose. So he’s out on the prowl. And literally talks to everyone.

So Dean decides to actually talk to Kristina. He lets her know he isn’t really feeling it and the vibe is weird. And at least he says it before the rose ceremony.

And there’s a rose ceremony coming up! But we’ll never get to have it because there’s a special report. So we literally never get this rose ceremony.

Andddd we’re back!

To finish this episode we finally get a rose ceremony!

Taylor goes first and gives her rose to Derek (DUH)

Jasmine and Matt

Raven and Adam (damnit)

Alexis and Jack Stone

Lacey and Diggy (good choice girl!)

Danielle and Ben Z (come through Danielle! Ben will have to go a week longer without his dog, but is a week closer to love)

Kristina and Dean (it’s as if we saw Dean in all the previews)

Amanda gives her rose to Robby (UGHHHH)

So Diggy, Nick, Alex, and Vinny go home. Vinny at least gets a blooper filled exit with his seat belt.

It’s a new day in paradise so that means there’s going to be some new people to shake things up. And it’s Danielle L! In case you need a man’s opinion- she’s like really hot. And she has a cool nickname- DLo. So like she has everything going for her. And she wants to go with Dean, and he says yes.

We get a great scene of Jasmine and Alexis as besties. I’m so here for this. Yay for girl friendship!!

Dean is worried about Kristina’s “headspace” and wants to make sure she’s good with the date he is going on with another woman. But then he goes on the date with the other woman anyway. So obviously very concerned. Dean and DLo go riding on an ATV or whatever through the jungle. Both Dean and DLo think each other are like really pretty.

We get a nice cut of Kristina walking in the ocean all sad juxtaposed with Dean and DLo making out with each other. This is going to be a fun love triangle.

Kristina wants to be with Dean and Dean is kind of like flopping around. He manages to flop his way into a conversation with Kristina. I feel like important conversations should be had while at least sitting up and not while lounging on giant colored pillows. They don’t actually discuss anything though. But are now all good?

Everyone goes to the beach for a bonfire. And Dean and Kristina are good. Except Dean is an idiot because he brings DLo a half birthday cake. Ugh Dean. And awww Kristina because she’s sad because Dean is stupid.

Tomorrow night we deal with more of the Dean/Kristina drama. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY THERE IS JORGE TOURGES AND WELLS AND DANIELLE.

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E3 Part 1: Alex wants a rose, like any rose

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E2: Secret off air roadtrips

Time for the drama!

On this episode of Bachelor in Paradise 

We get to watch Evan and Carly’s wedding. UGHHH. First we get a recap of Carly’s journey though The Bachelor and then her first stint on Bachelor in Paradise, both ending in tears. Then Evan’s journey with Chad.

There’s an incredibly boring montage of the couples that have actually been successful and got married on tv. BORING.

I guess Carly and Evan’s relationship is cute and genuine. But we don’t need to spend this much time on it.

Tanner gives us the best line of probably the entire season: “This is the baby that paradise made.” And by best, I mean worst, bleaching my ears out.

Carly’s vows include promising to learn CPR in case Evan ever fakes his death again, which would be a cool way to make out. Then a shaman comes.

FINALLY THE WEDDING IS OVER AND IT IS TIME TO GET BACK TO THE SHOW.

Chris Harrison lets us know that the investigation found no evidence of misconduct. He actually asks everyone if they agree. And they do. Taylor chimes in a whole lot and is very annoying. We do learn she doesn’t drink and has never had a drink on the show or had anyone ask her to.

Diggy is worried about DeMario’s reputation in the long run, because you know, in 30 years when someone googles ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ they’ll see this. Soooo concerned for the people in the future and their google searches.

Chris Harrison then discusses both race and consent. I cannot even. NO MEANS NO. CONSENT IS REQUIRED.

So let’s get back to the show. The women still have the power and roses and aren’t sure who they are picking. As in they had time to think about it and there are some crappy men (cough cough Robby) and they’re not sure about giving the crappy ones the roses.

Kristina and Dean went on a roadtrip during the break in filming! This isn’t allowed! We need to have all of their relationship on camera!!

There are some established couples: Dean and Kristina, Taylor and Derek, Jasmine and Matt. Except Matt is a little unsure of committing to choking-Jasmine so soon.

Alex thinks that he is a couple with Amanda. Amanda is not feeling it. Maybe because Alex is annoying (and short) and horrible at picking up hints. Danielle steps in to tell Alex to calm down. Raven just goes to the jugular and tells him to move on. Alex still doesn’t get it. Amanda is going to give him a friendship rose. And he’s still not going to understand.

Lacey is back and now thankfully able to see through Iggy’s BS. She just really wants Daniel to come. Yup, Daniel the speedo wearing Canadian. Oh Lacey, you can dream bigger.

Derek gets a date card and picks Taylor (obviously). They spend it making out. Neither of them believe in soulmates. And go back to making out. They then go back and get it on.

Jasmine wants to get it on with Matt. But Matt wants to go to bed.

Trouble in paradise not just for them but for Dean and Kristina too! They’re not really on the same page.

Well it looks like this will be a dramatic season. LET’S DO THIS.

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E2: Secret off air roadtrips

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E1: Sombrero shirts and lapel pins

It’s that time of year again….

Bachelor in Paradise is back!!

Chris Harrison starts off the episode by addressing the drama that was heard around the reality television world.

The opening credits of this show will always be the best thing on tv.

Let’s meet the cast!!!

Raven is first, she’s the down home Alabama store owner who had never had an orgasm before.

Dean is next. You all know Dean. He has an odd dad and is adorable

Kristina is from Russia and was adopted.

Danielle M is a widow.

I really really liked Ben Z!

Iggy argued with people on Rachel’s season.

Jasmine asked Nick if he likes to be strangled.

Jack Stone has a last name.

Alexis still doesn’t know the difference between a dolphin and shark.

DeMario has lots and lots of scandals. Including the fact he went on the Bachelorette with a girlfriend. DeMario wants to make a good second first impression. Well, we all know how this ended up. He tries to get Raven on his side.

Derek is here! Thank goodness he clarifies that he is from JoJo’s season. He looks like John Krasinski.

Alex is short. Like real short.

Corinne. She likes cheese and bouncy castles and naps and has a nanny.

We get a sidebar of Dean and Kristina being adorable together with their daddy issue.

Lacey came in a camel to Nick’s season. Thank god she clarified.

Diggy had some bomb ass bowties before he got eliminated too soon.

Penguin dude shows up in a penguin suit because he knows his branding. He was 6th place for Rachel.

Nick is next, as in Saint Nick. Once again, good job with the branding. He is into Jasmine and they get the first kiss of the season!

Amanda is a single mom and picked baseball douche Josh last year. It didn’t work out. Maybe because he’s a douche.

Taylor really likes emotional intelligence and really dislikes Corinne.

And that’s the cast!!!

We learn that Amanda tried to get on the celebrity version of Tinder and got denied because she wasn’t famous enough. The fact that she is currently on this show should have been her first hint.

According to Alex, Corinne and DeMario start their escapades into the pool 30 minutes into Bachelor in Paradise. It’s 4:30pm.

Time for Chris Harrison to talk to everyone to explain the not complicated process of the dates and roses. You don’t get a rose, you go home.

OMG JORGE IS FOLLOWING HIS DREAM AND OPENING HIS OWN TOUR COMPANY. Wells is his replacement. Like previous contestant Wells is about to just pour lots and lots of shots. I’m so proud of Jorge.

The women have the power this week and will be giving out roses.

Taylor and Derek hit it off. I guess Derek has at least a little emotional intelligence.

Kristina gets the first date card and she chooses Dean because he’s obviously the best choice.

Lacey and Iggy competing for the pair with the least amount of notoriety. Blah

Kristina and Dean get to go out to a nice dinner and there’s random confetti and a band and people screaming.

Jasmine isn’t feeling Saint Nick as much since he is kind of suuuuper drunk and it’s kind of hard to have conversations with suuuuuper drunk people. So Penguin Matt swoops in and makes out with her in the hot tub.

Awwww, Lacey’s Grandpa passed away and she has to leave. Sad 😦 Iggy lets everyone know…except he says it’s her grandma, maybe their connection wasn’t that strong.

And here is Robby. He’s…..well, full of himself. He has a date card and offers it to Raven. I hope it goes horribly. Robby is sad because he couldn’t pack his pocket squares or bow ties or whatever the hell lapel pins are. But don’t worry, he has a bathing suit for everything occasion! He gets to go jet skiing with Raven.

Ben Z breaks it down for us. He drinks beers at barbecues. Robby drinks wine spritzers on the beach.

Unfortunately Raven and Robby make out. Fortunately Raven has a cold an will probably give all her germs to Robby so maybe he’ll just go home. Don’t worry, Raven isn’t distracted by the hair and shiny teeth, she knows that if you have 12 abs something sketchy must be happening.

Somehow Jasmine is the hottest ticket on this island and both St. Nick and Penguin Matt want her rose. But he is not saved by the date card as it goes to Matt and he picks Jasmine. They get to go to a drag show! And Matt gets in drag and looks really good in a blonde wig.

It’s already rose ceremony time! There are 12 men and only 8 women.

Both Diggy and Iggy are afraid of going home and are trying really hard to get roses.

Ben Z is concerned because he left his dog at home and doesn’t want to be wasting his precious dog-less time unless it’s worth it and wants to get Raven’s rose. Robby has a shirt with sombreros on it an he’s in Mexico so he’s pretty sure he’s getting Raven’s rose. I vote the man with the dog.

It’s time. The producers take both Corinne and DeMario away and the production stops. But we won’t know what happened until tomorrow.

Bachelor in Paradise S4 E1: Sombrero shirts and lapel pins

The Bachelorette S12 E11: THE FINALE: UGH

THAT’S RIGHT. IT’S ALL OVER NOW.

Time to recap what happened on the season finale of The Bachelorette.

To remind you- we have the top three.

Eric- who is pretty cool and from Baltimore and never really brought a girl home.

Bryan- who is swarmy and kisses Rachel by eating her entire face and his mom is very possessive.

And Peter <3333- he’s perfect and gap toothed but not sure if he’s ready to get engaged yet because that is a big deal to him (and to most people who aren’t on reality tv). And that’s where we left off, because Rachel is ready to have a ring on her finger and Peter is hesitating.

Here’s a fun twist! For the next three hours of Bachelorette fun, Rachel will be watching live with Chris Harrison (and #BachelorNation). It just seems awkward since she hasn’t seen this episode and oh wait, is going to have some sexy times on tv. But do it for the ratings I guess.

More importantly- back to Peter! He is just so realistic and rational and maybe doesn’t want to commit to forever after knowing someone on tv for 8 weeks. Peter is glad that Rachel is having emotions with him. Meaning crying. I’ll take it. And she gives him the fantasy suite card and Peter accepts.

And boy do they wake up happy. Peter makes her some eggs and lays in bed shirtless. It’s great.

But now it’s time for stupid Bryan’s date. They ride horses through the vineyard and Bryan is getting some awkward vibes from Rachel. Because you know, she’s preoccupied by how great Peter’s date was. But don’t worry, Bryan gets his fantasy suite so he can finally eat Rachel’s face in private.

They wake up happy. Ugh.

Now time for the rose ceremony.

The first rose goes to Bryan. And the second rose goes to………PETER. YASSSSSSSSSSSSs

Eric takes the rejection really well and is a gentleman that will always love Rachel. And now because this is the stupidest formatting ever, we get to see Eric and Rachel together for the first time since the break up on live tv! In the least surprising news ever, it’s incredibly awkward! Eric lets Rachel know he used to be a boy and is now a man. He also grew a beard. Good for you Eric.

Back to the actual show.

Bryan and Rachel get to ride a hot air balloon. And then Bryan makes Rachel a Spanish cheat sheet for the future…? So romantic…?

Now it’s finally Peter’s turn and he better not mess this up.  They get to explore a monastery- which is like real pretty, but monks don’t really make you feel sexy. Monks do let you know marriage is for realzzz. Peter can see a future with Rachel- a future with football and wine night painting. I mean, who doesn’t want to do that? Sign me up!

Rachel is still feeling doubts because she wants a ring and a fiance at the end of this. Peter is not ready to ask Rachel to marry him. He only wants to do this once. Which I get Peter, but like goddamn just lie and get engaged and just have a long engagement. Now everyone is crying. And Peter doesn’t want to break up and doesn’t want to propose. And he will sacrifice his beliefs to do it. And Rachel doesn’t want him to. BUT AGHHG.

Peter tells Rachel that she can go off and have a “mediocre life” which DAYUMMM Peter. I mean you’re great but not that great. And I guess with Bryan it will be mediocre. And he’s leaving. This is the end. Except we get one more makeout session? This is now just confusing and freaking Bryan is all who is left.

FREAKING BRYAN. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

They make Rachel and Peter confront each other on live tv and I’m sad. 😦

Peter apologizes for saying that Rachel would have a mediocre life without him. And she says she’s “living her best life.” Rachel, honey, I am a fan. You are not living your best life, you are engaged to Bryan. It’s just sad for Peter and I’m sad.

Well now there’s only one person left. And poor Neil Lane only gets 15 seconds of screen time.

So here we go. Bryan’s proposal is fine. He’s in love. Rachel starts by saying she’s hella confused. And Bryan is too perfect (blech). And she sees her forever in him.

And he proposes. So here we go. I am unhappy. Rachel is lying to herself by saying she’s happy with Bryan. You got the ring that you wanted Rachel, so let’s see how long this lasts.

And so ends this season of the Bachelorette! Bachelor in Paradise starts in 2 weeks. We’ll see how dramatic it truly is!

The Bachelorette S12 E11: THE FINALE: UGH