Maybe, if we wish real hard, we’ll get a rose ceremony on this episode of Bachelor in Paradise.
It’s Daniel! He’s Canadian! He has a rose to give out, and there’s a lot of ladies looking for a rose to get. Lacey is very very very excited he is here. Daniel calls her and the other unattached ladies “scraps.” The other ladies being Christen and Jasmine.
We are getting a rose ceremony! I didn’t believe it!
Daniel goes first and gives Lacey his rose (I guess she isn’t total scraps)
Jack Stone and Christen #scallopfingers
Ah! It’s Matt! He came back! He didn’t run away as fast as humanly possible. He gives the rose to Jasmine, so now she doesn’t have to go home. Jasmine is having none of it, except for the rose part.
Derek and Taylor- don’t worry their back to being the boring make out couple of paradise
Robby and Amanda
Diggy and Dominique
Adam and Raven- because duh, Raven is the best, and too good for him
Dean and Kristina
Ben Z and D-Lo- because some producer told him to do that so we could get continued Dean being an idiot.
So Sarah and Alexis (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) are going home.
Dean and Kristina’s relationship really is strong as they play Truth or Dare and Kristina dares Dean to get a boner and he fails.
Paradise is under attack!!! By luchadores! Or as #scallopfingers calls them, sumo wrestlers. It’s a date card for Daniel! And Lacey is really excited. Except Daniel isn’t ready to commit just yet. Lacey doesn’t understand how he isn’t immediately asking her, because she’s ready for a long term relationship. He talks to the ladies but does settle for Lacey.
There’s a new arrival in paradise- Jonathan the tickle monster. Since there really aren’t many other options the ladies have to pretend they’re super excited and interested in him. He goes to talk to Christen and they like kiss within the first 5 minutes. I don’t even know where that came from?! She gets both the date and the tickle.
Daniel and Lacey get a wrestling themed date with some “actual wrestling” and some very shiny outfits. And fringe pants.
So Dean can’t decide between Kristina and D-Lo. In his own words: “Kristina is super smart and deep. D-Lo is really hot.” He wants to keep his options open. And Kristina doesn’t want to be anyone’s option, because she’s really freaking great and Dean sucks.
“Tickle” as we are now calling him and Christen go on their date. They discuss doctoring and babies and board shorts and Superman.
Daniel and Lacey get back from their date and are feeling each other and going to make out and Jasmine interrupts. Jasmine, what are you doing?
Christen and Tickle get back and Jack Stone wants to know how it went. Because Jack Stone wants Christen’s rose. And he makes out with Christen.
So we learn that Kristina and Dean definitely had sex in paradise and then like 3 minutes later Dean and D-Lo are playing around in the pool. Kristina is done with Dean and I agree. Screw him, he sucks. She even says the orphanage is better than paradise. The orphanage in Russia where she ate lipstick to survive.
Well, until next week!