So there’s 22 women and not enough dates for them…OMG
So let’s get to the first group date of the season! On it are:
Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Hayley, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Elizabeth W and I def forgot someone.
They jet off in their super cute matching convertibles- I wonder how they picked who would drive, there’s definitely few that are only just old enough to be able to legally drive. The first group date is of course…wedding pictures! That are themed! Themes include: 80s, shotgun, and Adam and Eve where the poor girl gets to wear leaves.
Corinne is beach bride, I think? But if you don’t remember her for some odd reason, she’s the 24 year old rich daddy’s girl with the nanny. And she kissed Nick first. Which she reminds us of, like 5 times in the first 3 minutes. The photoshoots happen in the middle of some weird backyard, really very nice. The photoshoots then morph into everyone making out with Nick, and the creepy camera guy just going “this is really nice” in the background.
Quick flash to the girls who aren’t on the date- they’re talking about how Corinne already kissed Nick…but Liz kissed him 10 months ago. Hehe
Back to the date where Corinne decides to make her daddy and nanny proud by removing her top. Yup. Boobies. Corinne “wins” the competition because Franco the photographer thinks they had a strong connection. “Strong connection.”
Direct quote from Corinne- ‘no one has ever held my boobs like that.’ She’s not here to make friends. Raven goes in with the best line ever- ‘I’m not calling you an asshole, but I’m attracted to assholes, so…’
Danielle M the super cute blonde nurse gets the first one-on-one! Liz does not…she is totally not jealous at all.
Corinne goes and interrupts Dolphin girl. Everyone gets mad. AND THEN SHE DOES IT AGAIN to psychology girl that should have spent more time in college. And then psychology girl, whose name I have now bothered to learn- Taylor, goes back to reclaim Nick. Using that psychology. Then Corinne decides to tell Taylor she didn’t like that. And then she lectures everyone on how this show works. It will be weird and uncomfortable and her boobs and nipples will be everywhere. And to make it worse Nick is a stupid head and gives her the rose. STUPID
It’s okay, let’s watch Danielle M be a wonderfully nice, age appropriate lady. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx that.
I sort of did, because let’s go back to the Liz storyline. Did you guys know she already met Nick and had sex with him? I had no ideaaa! She tells Christen, and us, all the details. Lots of alcohol and awkwardness.
It’s okay because Danielle is incredibly awkward and adorable and keeps giggling. So we have some women here that aren’t insane. But then I remember that Nick just picked Corinne, so Danielle is too good for Nick. Go be a great person not on tv Danielle, you save those babies. We further learn she’s too good for this show because her fiance OD’ed and she found the body. 😦 But she gets the rose! Yay!
Next group date has a bunch of people I sort of know their names! Liz, Christen, Josephine…that’s all I got and some others. They go to a museum full of stuff from break ups. Wow, what a horrible date. It’s almost like Nick has been broken up with on national tv multiple times…oh yeah.
Astrid is on the date! Her name is unique. Her breakup wasn’t bad. The dental hygienist’s on the other hand was horrible and full of plaque. Josephine goes with a nice slap. Nick deserves it, we all know, even though it’s not real.
Then Liz goes. And gives us a recap of their past “aka hooking up at a wedding that one time.” And it seems kind of real and then is just confusing. We go to the cocktail dress part of the date and everyone else is living in ignorant bliss, but not Christen. So she straight out tells Nick that Liz told her all the deets. That Liz and Nick did it and Christen knows. Nothing like spending your one-on-one time talking about someone else.
It’s Liz’s turn now. This will go well. These two people are incapable of having a conversation. A sober conversation. Yeah, it’s not going well for either of them. Nick has found the clarity that they don’t have a future. DUH. And he sends home Liz right away.
Nick is now scared because he has to tell everyone about his steamy one nightstand with Liz and is so worried about what will happen. I hope all 21 of them walk out on him right away.
Next week we see how everyone responds to the MOST DRAMATIC NEWS EVER.
And we leave you all with the celebration of dolphin girl’s boobday. Happy 1 year to her implants!