This week, on The Bachelorette….
There are six dudes left.
Bryan- the 37 year old chiropractor that eats Rachel’s face
Eric- he’s the last black guy
Adam- he has a creepy ass doll #AJforever
Matt- he’s a crappier version of Alex #RIPAlex
and Dean, baby face, actual baby Dean.
So there’s no rose ceremony this week- just 3 one-on-ones and one three-on-one. Rachel is just mixing things up!
Bryan gets the first one-on-one. He is a front runner with Peter. But since he’s not Peter I don’t like him that much. They drive a fancy car and go to a fancy watch store because #swiss. She pulls a Corinne and buys Bryan’s love with a watch. They have a very nice time and Bryan continues to fail at kissing.
Dean gets the next one-on-one. Adam is mad he hasn’t had one, because like he has never talked to Rachel and isn’t sure he wants to bring her home since they like don’t talk. That is a rational thought Adam. Good for you.
We finally get to learn some info about Bryan- he had an earring. He likes school girl uniforms. Bryan had a girlfriend on a beach. It didn’t work out. But don’t worry, he’s getting a rose and Rachel’s getting to meet his family.
Dean and Rachel are going to church! A Catholic church! In French! Yupppp. After church they get to wander around. Dean is concerned because he has an awkward family dynamic. Remember that one time we didn’t get to meet famous #sportsball player Aaron Rodgers? How could Dean’s family be worse than that. Rachel wants Dean to open up and Dean goes with asking about the tooth fairy and dinosaurs. I love me some dinosaurs, but not the time or place honey.
The last one-on-one goes to Peter. YAY.
Eric is not an idiot and realizes the three one-on-ones are the top three and that the three losers on the silly three-on-one are tied for last.
Dean manages to get past his pension for dinosaurs and owns up to Rachel that his family isn’t ideal. After his mom died, his dad got a little eccentric, and he’s honest and adorable. Which makes everything much less awkward so he gets the rose. Still not going to win, but good try Dean.
It’s time for Peter’s date. GET READY FOR THE LOVEEEE. They go in a helicopter and then a dog sled. Sorry I can’t hear you over how perfect they are together. Peter is having some doubts because he’s a rational person and doesn’t actually enjoy dating someone who is dating 15 other people. Peter remains adorable and insists that everyone will love Rachel.
Okay Peter, let’s stop for a moment. Your sob story isn’t really a sob story. This one time you drove away from someone you broke up with amicably. Get over it.
But let’s get back on the Peter train because he’s getting a rose (obviously). <3333
Time for the three-on-one. Literally no one knows who these guys even are. They at least get to go to France. Which coincidentally is AJ’s hometown. Everyone is obviously gunning for the rose. Everyone should obviously go home. They all say hokey things- blah blah blah.
Rachel begins to cry and tells Matt he reminds her of herself…? She needed an excuse to send him home and just sends him packing mid way through the date. He at least takes his champagne on his long car ride home. Now that’s an exit.
Time for this horrible date to continue.
Adam literally doesn’t understand how this show works because he thinks he has a deep connection with Rachel. That would require them to speak to each other. He gets like really intense in discussing his family and his love for Rachel and it’s wayyyyyy too much.
Eric talks about how he grew up in Baltimore and it was tough. And how he used being positive to grow. It’s an actual backstory with actual reasons why he hasn’t ever brought anyone home.
It is time to give out the rose. I really think Rachel should just skip the rose. She gives it out to Eric. Not a shocker.
Bye Adam, bye AJ, the best creepy ass doll that ever existed. Adam doesn’t want Rachel to have any regrets. Don’t worry Adam, she never knew who you were, she has no regrets.
Rachel is in a vineyard/desert place…? She makes out with a lot of people. There is some family drama and by some I mean a lot. And Dean was being nice when he said his dad is eccentric. OH BOY. THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.