The Bachelorette S14 E8: Let’s eat some wings!

So I missed last week but it’s not really important because it’s final four hometowns!!!!

The last four are:

Garrett who got the first impression rose and likes racist things on Instagram

Jason who has greasy hair and is from Buffalo

Unremarkable other dude

And Colton who hooked up with TiaT.

So a great group of guys.

Garrett goes first and he has a farm themed date! They plant plants! Such fun! Garrett used to be married to a not very nice lady so his family is real protective. But it’s okay because this is a show and Becca will win everyone over.

Time to go to greasy-haired-Jason’s hometown of Buffalo. First they eat some buffalo wings. Becca ate like half of one, that’s a deal breaker for me. I would have eaten at least 20. Then they take their bloated selves ice skating. And then they make out…on a zamboni…while the poor driver just drives it along. I feel so bad for him. She meets his family, they are nice. It is boring. But Jason has to throw out the love word because this is final four here people and we gotta commit.

Time for Blake! I didn’t remember his name! He supposedly had the first one on one but I’m not sure I believe that. So Blake told Becca he loves her and she loves him back but the rules of whether she can tell him are iffy so we’ll just have to wait. And their date starts in Blake’s high school. Whyyyyyyyy. The amount of high schools on this show is insane. Although we learn there was a school shooting there which is sad and gun control is a real thing we need to do. Then there is a surprise concert by Betty Who, she’s a real musician. Where did this budget come from?

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So Blake’s mom has very large hair. And she is a little dubious of this process. This one time Blake had a girlfriend for like 6 months and they broke up and Blake was never going to love again so like this is tough for all of them.

Colton is next. We learned last episode that he is a virgin. Which is odd since he hooked up with Tia. So if they never even got to home base why do we even care? #drama

Their date is going to the hospital to visit some sick kids. Fine Colton, this is nice. Way to use your football fame for good. Colton hasn’t ever brought anyone home, just like he has never had sex. Except twitter is here to remind us all when he dated the olympic gymnast and posted a pic of matching Christmas jammies at his house. The internet knows all Colton, about Garrett’s racist insta likes and your past relationships. Becca gets to discuss Colton’s virginity with his mother, how fun.

Time to bring in the ladies! Becca needs some advice from her friends and oh wait Tia is here and one time Tia hooked up with Colton. So Becca recaps her hometowns and of course says she met Colton’s family. And Tia interrupts her to tell her that she still has feelings for Colton. After that one time they hooked up and didn’t have sex. Tia feels sick to her stomach about it. I never liked Tia and I will continue to not like Tia. Becca is predictably a little upset about her good friend saying that she really likes one of her final four. BOOOOOOOO Tia. BOOOOOOOOOO

Time for the rose ceremony.

To recap we have Garrett that likes inappropriate things on instagram. greasy hair Jason, super cute and my new favorite Blake, and stupid-love-triangle-with-Tia-Colton. Colton decides to talk to Chris Harrison about the expectations of the fantasy suite…instead of talking to Becca. He’s horrible. BOO.

Time for the roses:

New favorite Blake gets the first one

Greasy haired Jason gets the second

And the final rose goes toooooooooo Garrett!

That’s right. Becca is not here for love triangles and sends Colton home!

Colton says he knew Becca was special after she met his family, he maybe should have known that a little earlier.

Time to travel to Thailand for fantasy suites!  Let’s go!!

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The Bachelorette S14 E8: Let’s eat some wings!

The Bachelorette Recap S13 E7: Top 3 and those other dudes. Really, who are Matt, Adam, and Eric??

This week, on The Bachelorette….

There are six dudes left.

Bryan- the 37 year old chiropractor that eats Rachel’s face

Peter- <33333333

Eric- he’s the last black guy

Adam- he has a creepy ass doll #AJforever

Matt- he’s a crappier version of Alex #RIPAlex

and Dean, baby face, actual baby Dean.

So there’s no rose ceremony this week- just 3 one-on-ones and one three-on-one.  Rachel is just mixing things up!

Bryan gets the first one-on-one. He is a front runner with Peter. But since he’s not Peter I don’t like him that much. They drive a fancy car and go to a fancy watch store because #swiss. She pulls a Corinne and buys Bryan’s love with a watch. They have a very nice time and Bryan continues to fail at kissing.

Dean gets the next one-on-one. Adam is mad he hasn’t had one, because like he has never talked to Rachel and isn’t sure he wants to bring her home since they like don’t talk. That is a rational thought Adam. Good for you.

We finally get to learn some info about Bryan- he had an earring. He likes school girl uniforms. Bryan had a girlfriend on a beach. It didn’t work out. But don’t worry, he’s getting a rose and Rachel’s getting to meet his family.

Dean and Rachel are going to church! A Catholic church! In French! Yupppp. After church they get to wander around. Dean is concerned because he has an awkward family dynamic. Remember that one time we didn’t get to meet famous #sportsball player Aaron Rodgers? How could Dean’s family be worse than that. Rachel wants Dean to open up and Dean goes with asking about the tooth fairy and dinosaurs. I love me some dinosaurs, but not the time or place honey.

The last one-on-one goes to Peter. YAY.

Eric is not an idiot and realizes the three one-on-ones are the top three and that the three losers on the silly three-on-one are tied for last.

Dean manages to get past his pension for dinosaurs and owns up to Rachel that his family isn’t ideal. After his mom died, his dad got a little eccentric, and he’s honest and adorable. Which makes everything much less awkward so he gets the rose. Still not going to win, but good try Dean.

It’s time for Peter’s date. GET READY FOR THE LOVEEEE. They go in a helicopter and then a dog sled. Sorry I can’t hear you over how perfect they are together. Peter is having some doubts because he’s a rational person and doesn’t actually enjoy dating someone who is dating 15 other people. Peter remains adorable and insists that everyone will love Rachel.

Okay Peter, let’s stop for a moment. Your sob story isn’t really a sob story. This one time you drove away from someone you broke up with amicably.  Get over it.

But let’s get back on the Peter train because he’s getting a rose (obviously). <3333

Time for the three-on-one. Literally no one knows who these guys even are. They at least get to go to France. Which coincidentally is AJ’s hometown. Everyone is obviously gunning for the rose. Everyone should obviously go home. They all say hokey things- blah blah blah.

Rachel begins to cry and tells Matt he reminds her of herself…? She needed an excuse to send him home and just sends him packing mid way through the date. He at least takes his champagne on his long car ride home. Now that’s an exit.

Time for this horrible date to continue.

Adam literally doesn’t understand how this show works because he thinks he has a deep connection with Rachel. That would require them to speak to each other. He gets like really intense in discussing his family and his love for Rachel and it’s wayyyyyy too much.

Eric talks about how he grew up in Baltimore and it was tough. And how he used being positive to grow. It’s an actual backstory with actual reasons why he hasn’t ever brought anyone home.

It is time to give out the rose. I really think Rachel should just skip the rose. She gives it out to Eric. Not a shocker.

Bye Adam, bye AJ, the best creepy ass doll that ever existed. Adam doesn’t want Rachel to have any regrets. Don’t worry Adam, she never knew who you were, she has no regrets.

Coming up:

Rachel is in a vineyard/desert place…? She makes out with a lot of people. There is some family drama and by some I mean a lot. And Dean was being nice when he said his dad is eccentric. OH BOY. THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.

The Bachelorette Recap S13 E7: Top 3 and those other dudes. Really, who are Matt, Adam, and Eric??