OMG WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN ON THIS CLIFFHANGER TWO-ON-ONE?!? Will the racist, lying asshole Lee be sent home?! Oh wait. Yup, that’s what happens. But Kenny really really wants the last word. So much so he leaves Rachel in the helicopter so he can go rub it in Lee’s face. Not a great move dude. She doesn’t do a double elimination and keeps Kenny long enough so we can watch him call his daughter and all know what a great dad he is.
Now it’s time for the rose ceremony.
The roses go to:
Mouthy, annoying, good speller Josiah and Anthony go home.
Eric gets the first one-on-one and there’s a canal ride and a cute Danish market. For being in Denmark I really thought there would be a lot more danishes and pastries. But maybe that’s just stereotyping. I guess part of Danish things is old, naked men in hot tubs? Is that a good sign for your relationship when you get flashed by one? It seems to work for Eric and Rachel as they continue their cute date at a cool carnival with kissing and hand holding. Eric is like ready for looooooooooove and they connect on like an emotional level and he gets the rose.
Next up is the group date. Which is always the order of the dates. But for some reason Adam thinks it will be his one-on-one. Nope honey, watch the show and get with the literal program. Then go on a group date with Dean, Kenny, Bryan, Alex, Matt, and Peter.
Time for some Viking fun! First they paddle a Viking ship with the help of some nice Danish men. Then they learn how to be actual Vikings from the new stars of the show- Tom and Morton. They know a lot of cool Viking games like “grab onto the phallic shaped wooden stick and don’t let go” and the classic “bash shields into each other like battering rams.” #muchfun! #muchmanly
There’s a Viking-off and Kenny wins and we finally get the bloody eyebrow shot that they’ve been taunting in our faces forever. How will we know that this is the most dramatic season ever without bloody eyebrow teasers?!?
For the second half of the date Rachel tries to have actual future planning with Bryan about where they’ll live etc. and they get 3 sentences in before the make out session. #Typical
Kenny wants know if Rachel will keep him because he has a daughter which is fine but he’s all whiny about it and it’s time for him to go. Thank goodness he has a bloody eyebrow and screamed at Lee on tv. But good for him.
Peter gets the group date rose #YASSSSSSSS #PETERFOREVER #PETERISTHEBEST #GIVEPETERMORESCREENTIME
The next one-on-one is with Will and they go off to Sweden. (We all get to learn some fun Nordic geography this episode). There’s more Viking games in Sweden…? Did Vikings ever not play games? I’m beginning to think Vikings raiding and pillaging villages is just an unfair stereotype. They were just some fun, game loving people.
While in Sweden they share a table with old Swedish people. It’s like the tiniest table ever and super awkward. It’s a cute date but Will isn’t kissing Rachel and it’s not happening. When they stop the background music your ass is going home.
Will tells her about how he was really physical with his ex, good thing he hasn’t been physical at all with Rachel #notgood
Yuppp and he’s going home.
But hey, there’s more!
A rose ceremony at the end of an episode?!? What a novel idea. Peter and Eric already have roses so there are only four to give out and they go to:
Making Alex the one to go home- I literally yelled WHHHHHHHHATTTTTTTTTTT. How did Adam get the last rose??! The only thing I know about Adam is that he has Adam Junior. Matt has had zero screen time and I know nothing about him. Like what is this?! Alex was hot and sexy and Russian. Rachel, you need to make better decisions.
I guess it doesn’t really matter because we’re all #teamPeter in the end.
Thank goodness there’s only one episode next week!