Okay people, I don’t normally watch After the Final Rose for The Bachelor, but I also don’t normally watch 3 hours of finale, so here we are.
In case you live under a rock or you didn’t read my last blog post, this one time Arie picked Becca and then said jk and wanted to go get Lauren instead.
We start with a recap of just how horrible Arie is as he proposes to Becca and “will choose her everyday.” JKJKJK. Arie you suck. We do not like you.
First Arie gets some advice from Jason, the other dude who picked his runner up instead. And then Arie goes to get Lauren. Who lives with her parents…? Jk he was just creeping at her parents’ house. So I guess Arie called Lauren before meeting up with her, and she has some questions before getting back together with him. Oh she was sad and that’s why she went back to her parents, this makes more sense than her living at home.
So this one time Arie saw doubt in Lauren’s eyes and he was doubting their relationship, and he let the rational side take over because Becca had no doubts, but his emotional side is the one that loves Lauren. Arie says he’s a 1000% over Becca- WHAT WHAT WHAT I don’t know how long it has actually been but like it hasn’t been long enough. I HATE YOU ARIE.
But don’t worry, Lauren doesn’t hate him and takes him back. BLERCCHH.
Time to go hear from some of the other girls that Arie dumped this season. They all agree that Arie sucks and it’s not Lauren. We have a confirmed timeline. It was 6 months between proposal to Becca and getting back with Lauren. THAT IS FAST ARIE VERY FAST. The girls do want Lauren to break up with Arie.
Time to bring out Becca, who is amazing and wonderful. So ABC definitely got some flack about all the unedited crying footage and we are now doing PR cover our butts as Becca says she understands the footage was important and gave her closure. Oh honey, I’m sorry. Arie talked to Lauren while still with Becca but told Becca about that which would be nice until oh wait he broke up with Becca and ruined everything.
It’s the moment we’ve been waiting for, Becca and Arie reunite. She has some questions and does not punch him, which makes me sad. Arie says words in regards to her questions but they don’t really make sense. BOOO. Arie felt empty when he got back from Peru….Arie, this is a problem and maybe you should have addressed it before swapping to the other option of Lauren. Arie didn’t think it ever went wrong, he was just “one foot in,” and he should not have proposed.
So this one time Jason picked his runner up and now he is here with her to talk to Chris. I am not here for this, I am here for Becca (and other Bekah dragging Arie through the mud).
So Arie supposedly didn’t watch the finale, he was just straight chilling with Lauren. UGH. Here is Lauren, guess what, she did not magically develop a personality, she’s just as bland. Lauren confirms that Arie literally slid into her DMs to start talking to her again. Lauren thinks Arie is really brave and honest and I’m barfing. Arie says people don’t understand the gravity of this, Arie, I’ve watched lots of seasons of The Bachelor, I know how serious this is. And you messed up.
Arie and Lauren’s plans for their future involve leaving the country, never going on social media, and moving to Arizona together. Such fun.
Oh wait, Arie is here to prove that he is the biggest idiot of all time and proposes to Lauren during the show. Because that isn’t like spitting in Becca’s face or anything. Bye forever Arieeeeee!
Time for the next Bachelorette! It is Becca! Which we knew! But yay! And yes she is too good for this but I’m here to watch some reality tv and like it. And the other girls are super supportive which I believe is sincere despite the fact they’re on tv so they kind of have to say this.
And because we have 15 minutes to fill, Becca is going to get to meet some of her contestants! Because we love watching super awkward things happen live. First is Lincoln, he has a bow tie. I liked him but like he kept talking and it’s his birthday and we don’t need it to be so long winded. Chase is next and he has a baby mullet, sorry Chase, it’s not happening. Oh hey and here is a banjo, Brian plays it, it could be worse. Here is another dude who apologizes on the behalf of all men. Blake is next, he brings Bradley the horse, but doesn’t ride it….he just leads it into the room. Because if you fall of a horse you need to get back up again. At least she rides side saddle.
So that’s it folks! We have no quests for true love until May where we start Becca’s journey for love!