Time for the drama!
On this episode of Bachelor in Paradise …
We get to watch Evan and Carly’s wedding. UGHHH. First we get a recap of Carly’s journey though The Bachelor and then her first stint on Bachelor in Paradise, both ending in tears. Then Evan’s journey with Chad.
There’s an incredibly boring montage of the couples that have actually been successful and got married on tv. BORING.
I guess Carly and Evan’s relationship is cute and genuine. But we don’t need to spend this much time on it.
Tanner gives us the best line of probably the entire season: “This is the baby that paradise made.” And by best, I mean worst, bleaching my ears out.
Carly’s vows include promising to learn CPR in case Evan ever fakes his death again, which would be a cool way to make out. Then a shaman comes.
FINALLY THE WEDDING IS OVER AND IT IS TIME TO GET BACK TO THE SHOW.
Chris Harrison lets us know that the investigation found no evidence of misconduct. He actually asks everyone if they agree. And they do. Taylor chimes in a whole lot and is very annoying. We do learn she doesn’t drink and has never had a drink on the show or had anyone ask her to.
Diggy is worried about DeMario’s reputation in the long run, because you know, in 30 years when someone googles ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ they’ll see this. Soooo concerned for the people in the future and their google searches.
Chris Harrison then discusses both race and consent. I cannot even. NO MEANS NO. CONSENT IS REQUIRED.
So let’s get back to the show. The women still have the power and roses and aren’t sure who they are picking. As in they had time to think about it and there are some crappy men (cough cough Robby) and they’re not sure about giving the crappy ones the roses.
Kristina and Dean went on a roadtrip during the break in filming! This isn’t allowed! We need to have all of their relationship on camera!!
There are some established couples: Dean and Kristina, Taylor and Derek, Jasmine and Matt. Except Matt is a little unsure of committing to choking-Jasmine so soon.
Alex thinks that he is a couple with Amanda. Amanda is not feeling it. Maybe because Alex is annoying (and short) and horrible at picking up hints. Danielle steps in to tell Alex to calm down. Raven just goes to the jugular and tells him to move on. Alex still doesn’t get it. Amanda is going to give him a friendship rose. And he’s still not going to understand.
Lacey is back and now thankfully able to see through Iggy’s BS. She just really wants Daniel to come. Yup, Daniel the speedo wearing Canadian. Oh Lacey, you can dream bigger.
Derek gets a date card and picks Taylor (obviously). They spend it making out. Neither of them believe in soulmates. And go back to making out. They then go back and get it on.
Jasmine wants to get it on with Matt. But Matt wants to go to bed.
Trouble in paradise not just for them but for Dean and Kristina too! They’re not really on the same page.
Well it looks like this will be a dramatic season. LET’S DO THIS.